Forget The World

18

I wish it was me.
I wish it was me in your place.
I wish it was me dragging my intestines out and arranging them on the floor in patterns.
I wish it was me draining my blood into a glass tank and counting the numbers as the crimson lines rose.
I wish it was me examining my heart and the way it was still slightly beating in my hand.
I wish it was me pushing down on my still-inflated lungs that sat on the tiles.
I wish it was me that was poking at the rest of my organs, like a kid with a stick on the sidewalk, prodding at roadkill.
I wish it was me slowly removing my bones and placing them in alphabetical order.
I wish it was me pulling my teeth out and grinding them down into little hard calcium and phosphate balls.
I wish it was me laying my veins down in straight lines and measuring them.
I wish it was me peeling my skin from my flesh and hanging it on a coat hanger, putting it on the door ledge.
I wish it was me detaching my eyes and setting them in a jar of water just so they could keep moving and seeing.
I wish it was me ripping my nails out and placing them in size order.
This is the pain I imagine you went through
I wish I could replace you.
I wish that I could go back and change it, somehow save you.
I wish I could pull you down from where you seemed to hang in the air.
I wish I could ground you.
I wish I could stop you from hurting as much as you did.
I wish I could stop you sacrificing yourself for my happiness.
I wish it was me in your place.
It should be me in your place.
I wish it was me.

You shouldn't be dead.
I wish it was me.