Ghost of Us

nine

Reena:

He was serious.

I could see it.

It was like he'd renewed his love of life with one mission. One mission he would not succeed on. I loved Loki, he had been my everything and I think a huge part of me knew that I wouldn't be able not love him. But I was with Scott now.

Loving Scott.

The man who I met at the coffee shop, the vanilla man I needed in my life but now struggled to accept.

God, was my life boring?

I sat across from Scott as we had dinner. He was talking about a meeting he had and I pushed the food around on my plate.

It wasn't that I was not interested in Scott's work, it was just that everytime I tuned in I could hear Loki telling me he was going to take me back.

"Are you okay? You've been rather quiet?" Scott's voice asked, breaking me from my thoughts.

"Yeah. Yeah I'm fine. Just a lot on my mind." I replied, placing my fork down.

"Did you want to talk about it?"

I shook my head.

"Dammit Reena. I'm trying here. You don't give me anything to work with!" Scott exclaimed.

I looked at him with wide eyes.

"Ever since you got back. You've been so distant. So unsure and quiet. Are you rethinking about marrying me or something?" Scott asked, his food forgotten.

Opening my mouth to say no, but nothing came out.

"So you are. You are regretting saying yes to me. Is there someone else? Is that it?" Scott asked.

"Scott. It's complicated. There's a whole history behind me that I'm trying to forget and so far it's not working." I replied.

"So talk to me, maybe I can help! I'm your fiancé, if I can't be here for you now than the vows are useless." He replied sternly.

"You can't help. I know what you're saying, and I know you want to help but there's just so much hat can't be explained and telling you would just cause a rift between us. Please Scott, you have to trust me. If I need you, I'll tell you."

"No. That's not good enough, if you're second guessing marrying me because maybe there's someone else or maybe you just realised that maybe I'm not the one for you, I want you to be honest. I want you to tell me because I'm not going to waste my time on someone who doesn't love me the way Iove them." He exclaimed.

"Of course I love you," I said, surprised.

"Than tell me. Tell me what's going on." he said, firmly.

How could I possibly explain anything to him. I didn't quite understand it myself. It felt the past few years, plus growing up felt like it had been dragging on forever and I was getting lost in everything. How could I explain Loki? Or the Ghost Council? How could I explain that after five years, my already dead ex had come back to life and promised me aloud that he was going to get me back? How could I say that to Scott when his whole life was vanilla and boring.

My eyes widened.

It was true. My life had become a bore. I had settled for a handsome yet boring man when Loki was back and asking for me to return to him. The Loki that promised me he'd take me to see the world, to fall in love each day. My Loki.

It was right then, when I realised I didn't want to marry this man.

"Well?" Scott asked.

"I'm sorry." I said, looking down at the food in front of me.

"Sorry? Sorry for what?" he asked.

"I'm sorry that I thought I could do this, you deserve an explanation but I can't give you one and I'm sorry you can't take my word for it. I thought I could do this but I can't. I can't and I'm sorry." I said, standing up.

"So that's it? We're over?" Scott asked as disbelief covered his face.

"I'm sorry." I said as my hand slid his ring off my finger.

"Surely we can talk about this? Maybe you just need time to think!" Scott exclaimed, standing up.

"I've had time to think. Five years of it!" I exclaimed.

He looked angry, hurt and confused.

"I love you Scott. I do. You were there for me when I needed someone to hold my hand. You gave me hope again but it's always going to be him. You don't know it, you don't even know him but he's been my everything ever since I moved to this goddamn town. I can't abandon him because I love him." I said, as I placed the ring down on the table.

Scott watched me, unsure how to reply.

"I'm so sorry, Scott." I said as I pushed the chair back and grabbed my coat.

"Reena! Wait!" Scott exclaimed as he also got up.

He grabbed my elbow, spinning me around to face him. I had hurt him with my words, I knew that and there was a chance that I would never get to say I'm sorry again because Scott was the kind of guy that shut you out if you did something wrong to him.

And I was doing the worst imaginable thing I could ever think of.

Leaving him, for Loki.

"You can't change my mind. I'm sorry. I really hope you find someone that will love you wholeheartedly. Who will think of you every waking minute they're alive. I'm so sorry that it's not me." I said as I pulled my arm from his grasp.

"Reena." he said, in shock.

"You were good to me. I will never forget you and I hope one day you'll forgive me." I replied as I turned and walked towards the front door.

He didn't stop me, instead just crossed his arms as I walked away from him.

I took one last look at him before closing the door behind me and on that chapter of my life. Scott would find someone who genuinely cared for him. He would find someone who loved him unconditionally.

I couldn't half believe it myself as I walked towards my car. My hand felt light and all I wanted was to see Loki.

My Loki.