Y'all remember that episode where Dean had to go to a church to do a confessional for the first time?
This is my take on what happened on the drive home- also I tried to post this while on the plane but the WiFi was shit so I just wrote and finished some other stuff anyways-
Enjoy!
~
Sam had asked him why he'd spent so long inside the church and Dean had answer he just wasn't sure that he was ready to tell Sam yet
But he broke the silence with a loud sigh "I was really working up the courage to say that..maybe there are things I want to experience again like I did when I was younger but I'd buried them because it was easier than admitting the truth" He swallowed avoiding Sam's stare "I pretend to be someone else when I just want to be me"
Sam frowned mulling over Dean's words "I don't understand" He said carefully "Why?"
Dean shrugged, running a hand over his face to desperately stop the tears '"Because..I think still haven't come to terms with it- and I'm getting older, I mean at this rate I'll probably be telling you when I'm on my death bed"
Sam nodded "I know we keep secrets from each other but, you don't have to hide from me, whatever it is I won't look at you any different"
They sat in silence for a moment, Sam was giving Dean sometime to think over what they had said in the hopes that his brother would let him in
"What if I've been keeping this secret for a long time..like a really long time?" Dean asked Sam carefully
"How long"
"Twenty four years"
Sams hands momentarily stilled on the wheel "Since you were thirteen?" He tried not to raise his voice
"..Yeah" Dean stared at his hands "Y'know dad was a jerk ninety percent of the time and I was scared of him" He scoffed lightly "I mean trying figuring out who you are when you dad is constantly telling you who you're supposed to be"
"It sucked when you left for Stanford but I understood- hell I envied you, you did what I could never do..what I was to scared to do- I gave up too early, I didn't think I had a chance in the real world"
He took a deep breath and Sam just waited patiently for him to drop the other shoe "-Men"
Sam shocked himself out of his head to look at Dean before back at the road "What?"
"Men" Dean repeated louder, voice less small "..The thing I want to experience differently is being with men- I have in the past but I could never be open about it"
"Dean are you..are you coming out to me?"
"I'm not gay okay?" Dean said quickly and defensively "It isn't some kink, I like men and I like women, the exact same way-that's what I said in confession and I didn't get hit with a wave of homophobia I got accepted- no 'it's still a sin' just acceptance..but I'm me, women loving- pie eating Dean Winchester so now I'm just supposed to wip out the pride flags?"
"Well Dean from what you've told me you haven't been being you- you've conditioned yourself that way but you didn't have to"
Dean scoffed "Yeah because I had the world's greatest support system" He mocked "-Dad would've flipped his shit if I told him I was a fag" He said coldly
"Dean!" Sam chastised "Don't say that about yourself- would you call Charlie that?"
Dean grimaced "No- of course not"
"Then I don't want to hear it again" Sam said seriously "And you know fag means 'cigarette' right?- I don't know why it's an insult.."
"So I'm not as straight as you thought..how do you feel about it?"
"I love you the same Dean" He paused "..Are you going to tell anyone else?"
Dean scoffed loudly "I'm still trying to get comfortable with you knowing"
"I'm not going to treat you differently because you like guys Dean but-"
"Here we go"
"Would you shut up?- I just have one question and you don't have to answer" He promised "Why do you like guys- I mean I get the whole you don't choose who you are attracted to but.."
Dean folded in on himself, this was never something he wanted to discuss with Sam "..When I date girls or have sex with girls I'm in charge..I have to be in control just like hunting but when I with guys it's not the same hell it's even better" His cheeks reddened "..Being praised..taken care of" He shifted "It's nice"
"Huh"
"Why you questioning?"
Sam shook his head "I don't have to, I like people..I mean I mostly go for girls but if I fell for someone who happened to be a guy I'd go for it"
Dean chewed his lip "Hey Sammy?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm bisexual"
Sam smiles at the way Dean said it proudly and with confidence "That's great Dean"
