Dear Others

Torn

Harry woke up in his own bed next morning.

When he first opened his eyes, he was so confused. He couldn't remember what day it was or where was he. And slowly the memories came back to him and he realized that: holy shit, he got himself off thinking of his best friend. The same best friend who probably carried him back to his bed last night. Probably

Harry has never felt so ashamed and guilty in his life. Because holy mother of god, who has one of the best orgasms in their lives while fantasizing about their best friend?

Harry's heart was beating fast trying to comprehend what he did, and how the hell he's going to tell Louis about it. And then it hits him hard: he definitely CAN NOT tell Louis about that. Sure they joke a lot about dating and fooling around, he's so used to telling Louis whatever goes on his mind immediately without being afraid of being misunderstood or judged, but this..this is the limit. Louis won't be ok with that, Harry's sure of it.

Just as he was trying to think of who he can tell instead, his bedroom door opened a bit, and there was Louis peeking a glance through it. Harry saw a smile on Louis's face when their eyes met and Louis walked into the room

'Sorry I didn't knock, didn't wanna wake you up' he said while handing Harry a cup of tea. Harry feels so guilty he could cry.

'Thanks' he mumbled trying not to look at Louis in the eyes

'So how are you today? Sorry that we left you alone yesterday..it was a terrible idea I kept telling them but they said you can always call if you needed something' Louis was talking while adjusting the pillows for Harry, oblivious of Harry's nervous stare. He's obviously ready to stay here and finish that tea with Harry and share stories about yesterday. Harry cannot do this right now..every time he looks at Louis the guilt eats him alive and he needs space. God..he has never thought there will be a day he would wish Louis would just leave him alone. How did he manage to do this? How did he fuck up the most beautiful thing in his life, his precious friendship with Louis Tomlinson?

'You're ok?' Louis asks him after noticing how quiet and intense he is. Harry sighs. This is going to be difficult

'Yes, I'm ok' Harry answers and sips his tea to avoid talking. Louis doesn't stop staring at him

'Are you sure love? Does your leg hurt? Do you need a painkiller?' Louis asks in concern. And all what Harry can focus on is 'love'. It's not so strange for Louis to use pet names, he does with everyone, but Harry bets if he knew what he did yesterday he would never even say his name again. He might forgive him yeah, might even laugh it off making jokes about how 'irresistible' he is and that he turned Harry gay cause he's just that attractive..but Harry knows underneath all that, their relationship will never be the same again and it's all his fault for being a horny mess and for not having self control

'Harry?' Louis repeats raising his eyebrow when Harry didn't answer him

Harry gulped thickly and mumbled 'can you like..I mean..can we talk later? I'm not feeling well' he said not looking at Louis

'Why aren't you well? What's wrong? Are you hurting?' Louis kept asking, Harry sighed again

' I'm fine. Just wanna be alone' he said finally. Louis looked at him seeming hurt, Harry is telling him to leave. Harry has never told Louis to leave him alone before. He always invites him to stay with sparkly eyes, pouts when Louis says he has to leave, just like last night.

Louis then gets up and leaves the room without a word and closes the door behind him. Harry rubbed his eyes feeling so tired and slowly left the bed.

He still can't walk without his crutches. It's awful but it's getting better.