EPIPHANY

Vivamus, Moriendum Est

Let us live, where we must die.

HANNAH

"How's the first semester?" Stella asked with a teasing smirk on her face.

"Fine," tipid na sagot ko.

"Don't you have any party with blockmates or friends?" Ciara asked with a raised brow.

Among my cousins, sila Stella at Ciara ang pinakanalalapit sa edad ko. Madalas nila akong niyaya noon kung may mga lakad sila. At hanggang ngayon ay ganito pa rin naman sila. Tulad ngayon, nagkita sila at mamaya ay pupunta ng bar. Sinundo ako ni Stella sa bahay at nalaman n'ya mula kay Mommy na ngayon nga ay last day ng first semester ng school year at hindi na ako pumasok dahil wala naman na akong gagawin.

Pareho nang tapos sa pag-aaral sila Stella at Ciara. Ciara is now working on the administrative department of our family's hospital. Hindi s'ya masyadong natatali sa trabaho dahil parang asistant pa lang s'ya ni Tita Evangeline sa ngayon. Her mother is not strict with her unlike with her older sister, Vivian and their eldest brother Kuya Pocholo.

Stella is a dentist but she's not practicing her profession. Ang sabi n'ya ay pinili n'ya lang naman ang course na dentistry dahil gusto ni Tita Beatrice na field of medicine ang kunin n'ya tulad ng mga kapatid n'ya, at karamihan sa pamilya namin. And Stella being Stella, chose what she thought was the easiest. But she doesn't want to be a full-pledge dentist because she's disgusted by the thoughts of touching others' mouth.

Stella is working as a freelance model and I think she's earning good digits from it. She even got international offers. Hindi naman na nakakagulat dahil sa aming magpipinsan, she's the prettiest and fiercest. She also got the body of a supermodel and the charisma of an enchantress.

"Hannah, did you even make yourself some friends?" Stella raised a brow on me.

I bit my bottom lip.

All throughout the semester, wala akong ibang ginawa kung hindi maging hindi kapansin-pansin. Kung may kumakausap sa akin ay kinakausap ko naman, pero hindi ko kaya na makisama sa mga lakad sa labas ng paaralan.

"Han..." Ciara watched my face for a long while. I stared back at her, not saying anything and simply wait for her to go on.

They're always like this around me. They're walking on tiptoed. They think that they're being careful, but in fact, they're kind of offending me. They're not treating me like they normally treat others, kaya pakiramdam ko ay hindi na talaga ako normal. They make me feel that I am still sick. And that I shouldn't be here.

I know that I should be thankful for their concern and thoughtfulness, but I can't help but feel offended. I can't feel them and their careful actions helping with my recovery.

That's why I like it better with Kuya and Stella. They're being themselves around me. Hindi sila nag-aalinlangan na i-express kung ano talaga sila. They're being considerate by not being too considerate.

"Spill it, Ciara," Stella rolled her eyes.

Ciara sighed. "How are you with boys?" she gently asked. "I mean... how are you coping up?"

Ciara has a major in psychology. I think she frequently hang out with me these days because she was asked to do so. Baka nag-aalala sila Mommy at Tito Ben sa akin.

I smiled. "I am fine with them. I'm not as evasive as before. As long as they're not being touchy or implying any sexual desires, I can exist with them."

Ciara beamed. "I'm glad to hear that."

That was a major struggle. It took all of me not to freak out being near any man. I even booked an appointment to a shrink to help me fix that. I had series of sessions, and now I can manage to control my paranoia.