The Half Blood ✔

38

   Breathe. Concentrate on your breathing. Only on your breathing. I focused on the air filling up my lungs and then slowly moving  out. I looked at all the faces around me. Without making any noise, i rose from the chair and i turned away from them. I walked out of the room without looking back, my heels against the marble the only sound. I focus on my breathing and keep my chin high even though all i want to do is curl up and cry.

   I dont hear footsteps but i sense him following me. I dont turn around to look at him. I dont know how but i reach our room. Everything is silent. Its quite and still so very different from the roaring in my head. Its so peaceful compared to my breaking heart. With each beat, my breaking heart sends pain through my viens. I open the door and walk in. He softly closes the door behind me.

   I stand still for a few seconds, too overwhelmed. I slowly move my hands and try to unzip my dress even though i know i cant do it. Maybe i will rip the dress. But then he quickly unzips it for me and steps away. I dont look at him as i walk into the bathroom and change into his black tshirt. I didnt even realise that i was wearing it until i wore it. But i am beyond thinking about that.

    I quitely walk towards the bed and then sit on it. I do everything while being utterly silent and careful. I am scared. I am so very scared that i will lose control over myself and hurt someone. I feel so angry and scared. I want to run away but also stay and burn everything. I dont want things to be this way. I walk to the room and glance at Andrian. He is standing next to the door, his eyes on me.

  I stare at the wall somehow wishing i was a part of it. I knew that i would put up with everything without panicking or actually having a break down until i couldnt do it anymore. Slowly i think about everything that has happened. I dont know when i started crying but i realize it when a broken sound escapes my mouth. I feel myself break. Till now i had avoided feeling about what was happening but i couldnt anymore.

I hug myself and let it all out. It hurts so much that even breathing hurts. Everything that has happened in the past few days comes rushing back, overwhelming me. I feel like someone is stabbing me. It hurts. It all hurts so much. All these years, no one gave a fuck about me and now suddenly, everyone wants me to be a part of a war, kill my father and save the world.

  I can change the fate of the world. I have to go and be a part of Caspian's army. Go win his trust and get as much information as i can and when king Lucas orders, i have to kill Caspian. And i would have saved the world. But would i actually have? I dont know what to believe. Everyone has lied to me. I cannot trust them. I do trust them.

    They are all centuries old and i am just a pawn for them. An expendable pawn. I could die but i am not worried or scared because of that. I am responsible for other lives as well. Andrian and many other lives depend on me. Because this is war that i am a part of. A brutal and deadly supernatural war. I dont know what to think about Caspian. He is the reason all of this has happened.

  I am pretty sure he knows that i am alive and where i am but he hasnt tried very hard to find me. He could be the good guy for all i know. He could be framed by king Lucas. This might very well be King Lucas's plan. He might be doing all of this to become more powerful and try ruling over the world. I could ask Cheryl if King Lucas is the good guy but she would be biased. She is his mate afterall.

  Cheryl. What if she wasnt actually in love with Caspian? What if he had just compelled her to be in love with him. When she was turned, the compulsion would break and then she would have been so angry and hurt because Caspian used her that she would not even want to think about me. That could be a good reason for her to abandon me. It would have been so easy for her to just leave me.

   I am pretty sure even Elena doesnt love me. I mean i am the one who took away everyone she loved. She would have been tolerating only because she was hoping that Cheryl might return one day. Otherwise why would she put up with me? Why didnt she just leave me? She has no idea where i am right now. Maybe thats a good thing. She would be relieved not to deal with me anymore.

   For the first time, i do not like myself. I wish i never existed. I wish that i would have died. Whats the point of living when i dont matter to anyone? When i am just a burden to everyone. But i cant just die. I was kept alive so long because my ancestors believed that i would have a great purpose which would remove the stain from our bloodline. That is why i am alive because i have my use in this world.

   I think it was this war which they were hinting towards. I am born and living only for this war. Now thats good to know. So basically everyone just wanted to use me because of their own reasons and gains. God this is messed up. I dont want to be near such people. It makes me sick to know that they are so heartless. But its not like i can change anything. All i can do is try to be better.

  But can i be better? I murdered vampires when i was hardly more that a year old. My powers are to hurt others. This just one sip of blood makes me want to lose all control and drink blood until i cant breathe. I am scared of my own self. I am scared of my vampire self. I dont know how to deal with all of this. But i will have to learn to live with all of this. There is no quitting or going back. There is just learning to live despite all of this.

   Suddenly the ringing in my head starts and i groan. Not again. I hold my head as it starts ringing louder and louder. I feel breathless. I cant breathe anymore, i feel so damn suffocated. I feel the walls closing in on me. I wince as it feels like someone starts crushing my head. Immediately, two arms warp around me. I feel his mouth on forehead. He peppers my forehead with kisses until the ringing stops.

   My head stops hurting and i slowly start breathing again. I look up at Andrian. He looks so very worried which is strange. He doesnt need to worry about me. I am like a stranger to him. Plus he is a very old vampire. Taking care of me is not at all something he should wanna do but he is doing it anyways. I pull out of his arms. I go and lay down on the bed. He looks at me questioningly and i pat the bed beside me.

  He removes the shirt he is wearing and then lays down beside me. I quickly climb on top of him and rest my head on his chest. One of his arm circles my waist while the other wipes my tears away. I completely forget all about my worries and whatever that has happened. We stay like that for sometime. Wherever my skin meets his, it feels like he has branded me. Like in a good way.

  "Why do i get these headaches?" I ask him, my voice hoarse from crying.

   "Everything has a price. The power you are gifted with is not normal. Whenever you use it, you are using an ancient power which is too dangerous. So it is taking its toll on you. The recent headaches you have been experiencing is because that power protects you. So when anything is hurting you, the power lashes out on it. But when you are thinking something that hurts you or scares you, your power will try protecting you by lashing out on those thoughts." He explains, his velvety voice soothing me.

   I laugh at what he said. My power is trying to protect me by trying to melt my own brain? Now lets add that to the list of things i dislike. And then i realized something. The pain i was experiencing, Andrian must be experiencing too. And not only the supernatural headaches. Even though staying with me must have hurt him a lot, he still did and totally did not complain about it.

  "Why did you stay? Why did you stay even though staying with me will only give you pain?" I asked him, my voice small.

  I look up to meet his gaze. I feel my stomach flutter as i look into those gold flecked eyes. We both look at eachother for a few seconds. He slowly leans down and then kisses my forehead. I close my eyes and sigh. That feels so damn good. He tilts my head up and then kisses my cheeks. Everywhere his lips brush against my skin, i feel tingles. Softly his cold lips brushes against mine.

   The kiss is soft and hesitant. I kiss him back slowly, savouring the feel of him. He kisses me deeply and then pulls back. I slowly open my eyes and feel the urge to kiss him again and again. I could kiss him forever and not get tired of the feel of his lips agaisnt mine. He smiles at me and traces my bottom lip with him thumb. His smile is soft and sweet, i smile back at him.

  "I stayed because i would be a complete idiot and fool not to be with you. You are worth every moment of pain and sadness. You are worth so much more." He whispers. His words make me cry. No one has ever said something like that to me. I almost cant believe what he said. This beautiful and amazing man wants to stay with me no matter what the consequences.

  With tears in my eyes, i kiss him with everything i have.