"We had a deal. Are you really gonna break it now?"
A Namkook Fanfic 💜
Started: July 3rd, 2020
Completed: June 18th, 2021
NOTE: I do not own any characters. All the characters are fictional or their names are used for story purpose. Some of the...
Namjoon sighs and nods before suddenly raising hand, making the latter stop. "The kids are here. Wait", he orders. Then, he turns around to look at Jimin and Taehyung.
"Taehyung, take Jimin to your room. I have a guest", he says. Taehyung looks over from the couch. "Who is it, dad?", he asks. Namjoon sighs. "You don't need to know that. Just do as I say", he says, unable to keep the bitterness in his voice at bay.
Taehyung frowns a little but doesn't argue further. "Alright", he says. "Minnie, come with me". Jimin nods timidly and follows him to his room.
Namjoon sighs in relief and lets the man follow him to the living room. He sits opposite to him, right leg over his left one.
"So, what are you doing here, Seokjin?", he repeats his question from before. Seokjin sighs and gets up from the couch, choosing to sit beside Namjoon instead. Namjoon shifts a little, visibly wanting to keep his distance. Seokjin doesn't push him.
"I'm sorry for yesterday", he says softly. Namjoon huffs out a bitter laugh. "You're sorry? That's funny", he mocks. Seokjin sighs again, fixing his glasses. "Look, Joonie---", "Namjoon", Namjoon says bitterly, jaw clenching with wrath.
"Look, Namjoon", Seokjin agrees. "I'm really very sorry for yesterday. I didn't mean any of the things I said. I was just.. I don't know, yesterday was a bad day. And I know that's no excuse but I just wanted to let you know that I love you. I feel horrible that I hurt you", he finishes, eyes stinging.
Namjoon doesn't say anything, remains as stubborn as ever. Seokjin dares to touch his arm, breathing shakily when Namjoon doesn't flinch. That's a good sign.
"Please forgive me. I-I understand if you want to break up but just... just forgive me", he says desperately. Namjoon gives him a sharp look. "Break up? Hyung, we're not boyfriends, we're not dating. We're nothing", he bites out.
Seokjin turns his head away from Namjoon's view, tipping it up to keep the tears inside. Damn, no one told him one-sided could be this painful.
"I know we're not", he affirms, voice cracking up a little. "I just... I'm okay if you wanna go back to whatever we had. Or not. I'm okay with anything. Just don't treat me like I mean nothing to you", It hurts. Seokjin leaves out the last part. Namjoon doesn't need to know that.
Namjoon sighs heavily and turns to look at him, taking his hands in both of his. "Hyung, you mean everything to me. It just hurt a lot when you said that. Jungkook didn't leave me, you know that. I did. And I regret it everyday even though I know it was the right thing to do back then", he finishes off with a shake of his head.
Seokjin nods frantically. "I know that, Joonie. I do. I'm so sorry I said that. I didn't mean it. I love you", he whispers. Namjoon smiles a little. "I know", he says softly and pulls the elder into a hug, wrapping his arms around his back.
Seokjin's fingers curl around Namjoon's cardigan, cheek pressed against his shoulder as he sobs heavily, without making too much noise. "We're okay, right?", he cries.
Namjoon chuckles, patting his back. "We're okay. Don't worry. I forgive you", he assures. Seokjin nods against his shoulder, closing his eyes and trying not to cry too loudly.
"Shh. It's okay. I'm not mad anymore. Don't cry", Namjoon mumbles with a fond lilt to his tone. Seokjin wants to stop crying. But he just can't. His heart, his body, his head. Everything hurts. And he knows the reason behind it.
"I-I think I should leave now. Taehyung and his friend might see us", he whispers into Namjoon's shoulder even though he doesn't want to leave. It's the last thing he wants to do right now.
Namjoon nods hesitantly. "You're right", he sighs. "I'll see you at your apartment, okay?" Seokjin nods with a smile, standing up with Namjoon. "Take care", Namjoon says and presses a kiss to his forehead. Seokjin smiles warmly and nods, picking up his bag and exiting the room.
Namjoon tips his head back on the couch, sighing loudly. He brings an arm above his eyes, closing them slowly. This week has been draining to say the least.
His boss yelled at him because he couldn't submit his drafts before the deadline. He had a small disagreement with his colleague the day after. He made Taehyung sad. And then there's the whole scene with Seokjin.
He's so tired and he feels guilty because he isn't supposed to be tired. Not when he has such a great life. He has a promising job, a nice house, the best kid any parent could want and someone who loves him unconditionally.
So why can't Namjoon be grateful? Why can't he not go a day without complaining or feeling as if it'd be better if things were different? Why can't he love Seokjin back? Even after knowing how he's been hurting?
Most of all, why can't he forget him?
"It's all your fault", he whispers. "All yours. Why can't you just go away? I don't want to love you anymore. I'm supposed to hate you", a sob slips past his lips, shaking his whole body. "I love you so much, Jungkook. It hurts", he cries, heavy sobs leaving his mouth, making him whimper.
Namjoon has become good at pretending, good at acting as if he isn't hard to breathe everyday. As if he isn't crying himself to sleep. As if looking at Taehyung's face doesn't make him want to apologize over and over again.
As if he isn't still in love with the one man who has hurt him the most.
The one who's the cause of all of this.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
I had this drafted since afternoon but then i forgot to post lmao. Forgive me.
