Nostalgia || Namkook

24. Truth Hurts

"Come on, baby. You've been working on this since forever. It's time for a break", Namjoon says softly, kissing the back on Jungkook's neck. Jungkook sighs happily at the warmth radiating off of his husband's body.

"I feel so tired", he replies, shutting off his computer. Namjoon hums. "I know that. How about I prepare you a warm bath?", he suggests. Jungkook smiles, craning his head to kiss Namjoon's cheek. "Only if you take it with me", he wiggles his eyebrows.

Namjoon rolls his eyes but nods, agreeing quite easily. Why wouldn't he? He loves relaxing with his husband. Besides, Jimin and Tae are already asleep so he doesn't have to worry about either of them.

Less than ten minutes later, they are both inside the bath tub filled with warm water, the whole bathroom smelling like lavender, courtesy of Namjoon's dad buying expensive bath bombs for them.

Jungkook is lying on Namjoon's chest as he massages his scalp gently, earning little huffs and puffs of relief. It's nice, quiet. They've both been pretty busy these past few weeks, not even being able to spend enough time with their kids, much less, each other.

Aside from that, their fights have also been quite consistent. Just a week back, they had yelled so loud, Taehyung had woken up crying, startled by their terrifying screaming match. Jimin is more fragile than Taehyung so him being a heavy sleeper really helps.

"I'm sorry", Jungkook starts softly. Namjoon knows exactly what he's talking about. "I know", he replies, continuing his massage. Jungkook sighs. "I didn't mean whatever I said", he adds.

Namjoon rinses Jungkook's hair, staying silent even as he presses a kiss to his shoulder. Jungkook doesn't push him to reply. He knows Namjoon won't say a word before he's comfortable enough to do so.

I wish I never married you, Namjoon.

That's what Jungkook had told him. It had hurt. So much so that Namjoon couldn't even look into Jungkook's eyes without bursting into tears. He hadn't spoken a word for a whole day. Jungkook had given him space, tended to their toddlers alone. He knew Namjoon needed some time to himself.

"I know you didn't, Kookie. It's okay. I forgive you", Namjoon finally replies. Jungkook wants to say that it isn't okay. But he doesn't. It's not his place to decide whether Namjoon wants to forgive him or not.

As they lay in a comfortable silence, Jungkook becomes hyperaware of Namjoon's soft, calm breaths against his skin. At that exact moment, Jungkook realizes Namjoon isn't happy. He isn't content with him.

If only Namjoon could let him go.

But he doesn't. He can't.

Jungkook can. He does.

He makes a decision he knows he's going to regret forever.

💓

"I made you soup", Jungkook says, settling on the couch beside Namjoon who's still lying down, covered in his fluffy blanket. He looks endearing, with his little red nose peeking out from the blanket. Jungkook has to suppress a coo.

"You didn't have to", Namjoon mumbles, voice hoarse. His health seems to be getting worse. Jungkook sighs. "I know. I wanted to", he says. Mixing the soup a little, he scoops some of it and blows on it to cool it down for Namjoon.

He moves the spoon to feed him when Namjoon grabs his wrist. "Jungkook", he says, a warning in his tone. Jungkook stops. "You're sick, Namjoon", he says, sighing.

"And that shouldn't concern you", Namjoon says gently, as if he's trying to remind him of their reality. Jungkook inhales deeply. "I'm not trying anything, Namjoon. I'm doing this as a human, not as your hus- ex", he corrects himself quickly, embarassed.

Namjoon's lower lip wobbles. And oh no. Jungkook knows that look. God knows he does. "Namjoon, hey, hey, don't cry", he says, panicking as he sets the bowl aside. It's too late, though, because Namjoon is already crying.

Jungkook hates seeing Namjoon cry. Because Namjoon doesn't cry loudly, he doesn't thrash and whine. Instead, he sobs silently, keeping his mouth closed, eyes shut as tears fall down his cheeks. Jungkook hates them. He hates his tears.

"Why are you doing this to me?", Namjoon sobs, words muffled by his cries. It's taking everything in Jungkook to not hug him. He knows how Namjoon prefers being held when he's emotional.

"Joon....", he trails off, helpless. "I'm trying so hard to get over you. I've been trying since the last eleven years. Why are you making it more difficult for me? Why are you acting like you- you-", Namjoon chokes on a sob, not being able to get the words out.

"Acting like what, Joon? Tell me", Jungkook pesters. He's tired of staying away. He's tried. God knows how much he has tried. But it's just impossible. It's like, no matter what Jungkook does, there's always something that reminds him of Namjoon. The love of his life.

"Like you love me", Namjoon whispers, tears leaking out from the corner of his eyes as he keeps them closed. Jungkook is stunned. It takes him a moment to process his words.

"Oh, baby", he breathes out. He doesn't hold back anymore and hugs Namjoon, wrapping his arms around him. It is a little awkward since Namjoon is still wrapped up in the blankets but Jungkook doesn't care. He just wants Namjoon close. His Namjoon.

"I love you. I've always loved you, baby. I never stopped", he whispers. He feels Namjoon go rigid under him, probably shocked by his words.

"Jungkook...", he starts, breathless. "Don't say things you don't mean". Jungkook shakes his head. He lifts his head to look into Namjoon's eyes. "I mean every single word I just said, baby. Since the day I saw you in the cafeteria, I've only loved you. Love, for me, is you. I'm so sorry I hurt you. I'm so sorry I made you feel unloved", his voice is trembling now.

"But then why did you-", Namjoon doesn't get to finish his sentence.

"I didn't", Jungkook cuts him off, an urgency in his voice that scares Namjoon.

"What do you mean?", he asks.

Jungkook holds his face in his hands. Namjoon can feel his breath on his own lips. They're so close that if Namjoon wanted, he could just lean up and kiss him. He doesn't get to dwell on it because Jungkook surprises (read: almost gives him a heart attack) him with something bigger.

"Baby, I never cheated on you".

Ah this is coming to an end. I'm gonna miss this book so much.