THIS BOOK ALL ABOUT SUZUYA JUUZOU (and me..)

35

I watch as Mutsuki and Shirazu train with Haise. Saiko, lazy as she is, pretends to be dead on the floor.
The letter won't leave my mind. I can't help but think about it. It's fucking creepy beyond belief to think someone has been watching me.
They thought it would be okay to send me a bag full of their pubic hair, at my own home. The letter had the faint scent of a ghoul, which makes this a CCG matter. I haven't messaged Juuzou about it yet, which I know he's going to be mad about.
I glance back up and find Mutsuki and Shirazu on the floor.
"Completely no good!" Haise says loudly, his hand on his hips. I get up and stretch out my arms until they crack, doing the same with my legs.
"Go run laps you three. Me and Makiko are going to train her kagune." Haise says, helping up Mutsuki and Shirazu.
"No way! I need to see this!" Shirazu says, folding his arms.
"I also would like to see senpai's Kagune.." Mutsuki says, clasping his hands together in front of himself.
Saiko stays silent, clinging to Shirazu.
"I.. I don't really know how to use it so.." I say modestly, tying my long black hair up.
Shirazu scoffs, playing with Saiko's pigtail. "That's not what i heard!" He says, looking at me.
Haise looks at them, motioning for them to back up a bit.
"Okay Makiko... Ukaku first.." Haise says, going into a defensive stance. I glance at my sqaud members before looking away.
My shoulder blades begin to burn, a sensation of tearing emanating between them. My Ukaku kagune, a small purple mass sprouts from my back. I blow a stray hair out of my face, nervously fidgeting with my ear before launching at Haise.
My ukaku secretes an extremely toxic acid that can only be counteracted with saliva. This is the kagune i'm least skilled with.
Haise quickly dodges me, swiping at my arm. I back off, catching myself as i stumble. I hear a loud sizzle, glancing at the ground. The acid from my kagune is dripping off of it, i quickly retract it.
"This isn't working!" I say loudly, slightly annoyed.
"Kokaku next! Don't worry about the room!" Haise yells out, rushing at me. I bite down on my lip hard, fear ringing through my body.
I don't want to do this..

Before i know it, Haise is on me. I feel his hand grab my arm to flip me. Without thinking, my koukau shoots out from my body, grabbing Haise by the shoulders and pushing him back forcefully. My kokaku, nicknamed 'Candy Cane' because of its red and white striped appearance, is the one i have yhe least control of.
Against my own wishes, the doctor who operated on me implanted four kakhou in my body, in each category. Ukaku, kokaku, rinkaku, and bikaku. I was the first and only expirement to be successful in this regard. Each kakhou taken from a whole family of exterminated ghouls. Ukaku is the fathers, kokaku the mother's, and the remaining two their teenaged children. When i had learned this information, all i felt was pure guilt and shame.
For the longest time i refused to use them, up until 6 months ago.

///6 months prior

"Sassan i really don't think i should be here.." I say to Haise, gripping my quinque. Haise, just ahead of me, pressing his back against the wall, looks back at me, holding a finger to his lips.
We'd been alerted of possible ghoul activity in our ward, Haise followed the scent to this alleyway.
Haise peeks around the corner, reaching back and grabbing my sleeve to pull me closer. He looks back at me, a stern look on his face.
"There's 4 ghouls feeding off a corpse at the end of the alley, im going to ambush them and i need you to be back up." Haise whispers, gripping my wrist. I shake my head violently, panic rising in my voice.
"There's too many. Too many too many!" I whisper back frantically, pleading with Haise. He stares at my face before glancing back into the alley. I grab the back of his coat, whining.
"Can't we call for back up..?" I mumble, tugging a bit.

Haise grabs me by shirt collar, yanking me violently towards him. I hear a loud crack behind me, a large black mass narrowly misses my head. I stumble before catching myself with my staff, quickly ducking at an incoming swipe from the large black mass. I turn and fine an old man, wielding his kagune wildly.
"We've been spotted!" Haise yells as the 4 ghouls in the alleway take notice of our presence. The old ghoul with the black kagune launches his body forward. I barely manage to cross my quinque before me to block his attack, he grips my staff. I can hear his heavy breathing and snarling, this ghoul is starved. I raise one of my legs and kick the man in his stomach as hard as i can. This causes him to fly off of me. My quinque is ripped from my hands as he flies off, the man had a death grip on it.
I glance around to find Haise battling the ghouls 4 on 1. I turn back to the man i'm fighting, he's already on his feet, brandishing my quinque.
I feel pure panic rise in my stomach and throat, im defenseless against this man without my quinque. In the blink of an eye he rushes at me, threatening to impale me with my own staff.
Suddenly, the scene changes. My hands and clothes are covered in blood, there's a metallic taste in my mouth. I look up and find Hiase pointing his own quinque towards me. I raise my hands to my face, feeling the warm blood dripping down my cheeks. I let out a small gasp, tasting the gore ridden air. Each of my kagunes lay across the alleyway, hacked and mutilated to bits. The same can be said for the ghouls, their bodies no longer recognizable.
That night, Haise informed me of my lack of control. My mind was taken over by pure animalistic survival instincts, and that it was something he had never seen before. I murdered those 5 ghouls in less than 2 minutes, their lives snuffed out by me. I had no recollection of the incident.

///

My koukaku, now gripping Haises shoulders firmly, started to violently split into more tendrils. The sudden change in control made me let go of him, retracting it instantly.
"I-i don't want to do this anymore." I say quickly. Haise rubs his shoulders, i see blood seep through his shirt.
"You're lacking confidence in your movements." Haise says, walking towards me. He points out places in my posture that make me weak, demonstrating how to fix it.
"Are you going to make me take the other two out...?" I mumble, rubbing my arm nervously.
Haise looks down at me before shaling his head, sitting his hand on top of my head.
"You did well today. You managed to defend yourself, which is good enough for now." He says, rubbing my head.
Mutsuki, Shirazu and Saiko, who i forgot were even here, sit dumbfounded. I wrap my arms around Haise's torso, hugging him tightly.
"I'm scared Sassan.." I mumble into his shirt, gripping it. Haise wraps his arms around me gently, cradling me against him. He doesn't say anything for awhile, just comforting me.
"Me too.." He whispers.