Met In The Snow-Countryhumans

Chapter 15

Soviets POV

This seems almost Unreal. Fanciful. Hallucinatory. Illusory. Immaterial. Unbelievable. Whatever word you can use to describe it...

Britain, a country that has tamed my heart, is so close to me as we dance. Our hands touching. He has soft smooth skin, I imagine he would cover them up with gloves or take very good care to keep it that gentle. Holding onto each other. Feeling the warmth and movement of each other.
I hate and love it.
Love how... just... this moment. Every moment. Any moment. It's like he's a drug and I'm becoming addicted. The more I'm with him the more addicted I'm becoming.
Hate how... How I have to think this way about someone I can barely imagine thinks the same way...

However, the moment soon—like all moments—comes to an end. Unfortunately. We both stop, breathing heavy from the dancing.

"That was quite tiring." Britain says with a sweet smile.

"Да it was." I reply.

We still stare at each other, staying in the ballroom pose like neither of us want to leave it.
I wonder why he doesn't move away.
Maybe I wonder too much, but my little speck of wonder grows into a big question. This would be a chance... To...... but you don't even know if he likes guys... but you could risk it.

As I think about it my head subconsciously begins to ever so slowly move closer to Britain.
Risk it... Risk it... Risk it...
Feeling his breath on my skin and eyeing him, it's like a magnetic pull. Our faces centimetres away, Britain seems dazed himself although I can't read his face as the thoughts continue race.
Risk... it...?
The gap between us slowly closing with my face drawing nearer......

I can't.

I can't, I can't, I can't.

I look away, moving my head back.
Fuck.
What is wrong with me?
I can't decide if I'm more disappointed in the fact I tried to close that gap, or the fact I didn't.

I don't dare to look back at Britain, a dark fear surrounding me about his reaction. I don't want to see his reaction. I'm too scared it will be negative. Though I wouldn't blame him.

You should of closed the gap.
No I shouldn't of.
Should of.
Shouldn't of.
Should of.
Shouldn't of.
Should of.
Shouldn't of.
Should of,
Should...n't...of...?
You're doubting it.
Yes I know I'm doubting it... I'm talking to myself, I'm my head, again.
You wanted to.
I wasn't thinking. It was involuntary.
Far from involuntary. You said yourself, he's like a drug. Drugs mess with your head and get to the point where you think you need them to survive.
...
... why...
It's just emotions.
My emotions are to blame.
You know that's not a healthy mind set, Soviet.
I just need to stop thinking about this...

"I'm still feeling quite tired... I think I'll go inside and sleep." Britain says, his words cutting the silence.

His voice sends a rapid response of the feeling of butterflies in my stomach. So many butterflies I feel like a bunch are going to burst out of my chest like that scene in Alien...
Probably shouldn't remember that scene from the movie... it was pretty disturbing.

I'm almost sad Britain's leaving. I mean, sure I'm a mess right now and is why I still haven't turned around to face him, but I still want to spend more time with this country... why can't I ever just make up my mind on something...

I hear Britain's footsteps beginning to crunch in the snow.

I quickly turn round to face Britain, his back towards me as the walks to the cabin.

"H-Hey, Uh, did you..." I slightly pause trying to quickly think of something. "You tired, right? Does not mean night has to end, we could... um, watch movie or something?"

It was on my mind thanks to that Alien thought, so it was the excuse I went with in the end.

Britain turns to face me. A gentle look upon his face.

"That sounds nice." He says softly.

I almost immediately calm down, feeling like a massive weight has been taking off my shoulders. I was expecting a bad reaction but this feels to be the opposite.

"Great!" I exclaim. "I can make hot chocolate again?"

Britain's eyes seem to light up.

"Really?" He questions excitedly.

"Of course. I wouldn't offered otherwise, would I?" I respond with a smile.

"Oh, right." Britain says slightly embarrassed and he fiddles with the tie on his wrist.

He must really like the tie. I imagine that means he liked his top hat, too. He did appear sad when he realised it was in pretty bad condition. Maybe I can fix it?

"You can get comfy on sofa. I'll get hot chocolate ready while you do so." I say to Britain.

I begin walking over to the cabin. Britain waits for me to get to him before continuing to walk into the cabin and I think that's sweet.

We proceed to take off our coats and boots. Britain does as I says and heads to the sofa and I head to the kitchen.

I make the hot chocolate with thoughts constantly spinning through my head. I'm going to get a serious headache from all this, at least it feels that way.

I guess I'm scared... because... I know at one point I will have to say something about it. I can't exactly hide this from Britain. Well, I guess I could, but I don't see any good coming from it...

I wish I could... God, I don't even know what I wish. I wish a lot of things.

I wish I was better with my feelings.

I wish I could make up my mind easier.

I wish I wasn't so cold towards my family.

I wish could do more to help others better.

I wish I wasn't pessimistic most of the time.

I wish I could take back my regrets.

And...

I wish... I wish I could feel Britain's lips against my own...

... What the actual heck, Soviet?
Why do you think and want these things it's just... it's completely normal to you because that's who you are but it's not exactly normal to everyone...
I guess it feels better to of said it—in my head, to myself, of course.

But oh how true the words are...

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Hehe, Soviets POV again. Enjoy it while it lasts because we're going back to clueless Britain next chapter :)

Well, not so clueless anymore but still pretty clueless. Just experiencing some denial, thinking of more 'reasonable explanations', that stuff.
Anyway, I'll shut up now.

Stay safe and...

Have A Nice Life!

Word Count: 1123