Grace

Chapter 40

"She's beautiful," Sarah cooed over her niece. Alessa is almost three months now. She's becoming more aware of people and her surroundings. I'm ready for her to be a big girl. I smiled at my goddaughter in her own world.

Ella is definitely a big girl now, she's crawling all around the nursery and using the toys and chair to help herself stand. She'll be one in a week and I can't wait for the extravagant party her mother will throw.

"She looks like your brother," I rolled my eyes. Of course she's beautiful.

"How're you guys?" She asked with concern written all over her face. I haven't spoken to her about anything so Alessandro must've confided in her.

"Good," I simply said. We had sex about a month ago and we haven't since. As a couple, we're good. Almost back to normal but me, I'm not okay. I just can't shake this depression. I'm at the stage where I'm acknowledging it. Some days I don't even want to feed Alessa, I'll pump into a bottle and have Dro do it. Some days I don't want to hold her because I get these flash backs and I can't stop thinking about that day.

"How're you?" She asked then sat in the rocking chair making faces at Alessa. Alessa's little hands tried to pinch at her face each time she got close to it. "You trying to pinch me mama?" Sarah laughed which made Alessa make a noise.

"Did she just try to laugh?" I asked with humor laced in my words.

"I believe so," Sarah smiled. "Don't ignore my question, how're you?"

I sighed. "I'm not okay," I answered honestly. I began telling her everything and watched as her facial expressions changed.

"He made you kill her?" Her nostrils flared.

"He gave me the option, Sarah. I could've said no but I grabbed his gun and told her I'll enjoy it," I shuddered at the memory.

"Grace," Sarah sighed.

A small smile appeared on my face and I began laughing. "Me killing her isn't the reason I'm depressed. I'm depressed because that bitch forced me into labor and tried to kill me. I'd kill her again, Sarah," her face twisted. "And I'm sorry if you knew her and she was a friend of yours, but I'll kill her again,"

"Grace," She sighed. "I understand why you did it and I don't hate you for it. I'm glad you did. I'm just shocked,"

"Grace," His deep voice called out, his accent laced my name.

"Yeah?" I looked up to see him standing in the doorway in normal clothing, not his usual suit and tie. "Where are you going?"

He nodded his head away from the door to let me know to follow him. "I'll be right back, Sarah," I excused myself as she played with the baby.

"Is everything okay?" I asked him as we got to the kitchen and he looked at me for about a minute. Is he going to say something or continue to search my face?

"I want you to meet someone," He slowly said and his hands rested on my lower back. A short woman appeared before me with a suit on. "This is Dr Kelly Montoya, she's a therapist and she's going to help talk about your postpartum,"

What the fuck?

"Who dah fuck yuh tink yuh be?" I asked in utter surprise. I'm so mad I couldn't even stop my patois from spewing out of my mouth. Why would he do this? Yes, it's kind to get me help but for one I have a guest and for two I'm not ready to talk to a complete stranger.

"Uh," Dro froze. "Babe, I'm trying to help you,"

"By doing this?" I gestured to the doctor standing in front of us. She shifted on her feet and I could clearly see she was uneasy. "I apologize for snapping but I'm not ready for this. You don't just spring this onto someone and think I'm just going to jump to the idea. I'll figure this out by myself. What's she going to do for me? What's she going to ask me that I haven't asked myself?"