Duality | Monsta X [√]

29: Developing feelings

Tell me who you think you are
Coming in to break my heart

-Psycho, red velvet

Kihyun's gaze slowly dropped to my lips.

I could feel his brown eyes burning me, sending shivers down to my spine. I could feel the hair on the back of my neck slowly raising. Earth moving slower and the lights dimming down further, the only one I could see was the mint boy before me.

Then he leaned, even more, his breath grazing my face and nauseated I fell in his scent as if I was in his embrace.

Something was going to happen here and I could barely wait for it.

But then a clicking sound was heard, light washing over us next.

Kihyun moved away retracing his hand back, the earth had started spinning again.

"Changkyun keeps kicking me in his sleep," groaned Jooheon by the doorstep with a hand under his shirt rubbing his tummy, his small eyes were still scrunched up and his face a frown.

Then he watched us, saw me with the flushed face of mine and the air around us piping hot even though nothing had really happened.

Jooheon turned on his feet and disappeared in the darkness of the bedroom the very second.

But not before growling out, "please continue. I don't even know why I keep cockblocking."

Right after hearing his last word Kihyun threw the stack of papers that was before us towards Jooheon's way but the lad was already gone, gone with my dignity.

As it had finally dawned on me what was going to happen in those mere seconds.

Perhaps, if Jooheon was right, I was going to get kissed.

And I was looking forward to that.

Why even? And why would Kihyun want to kiss me in the first place?

With that thought I looked at Kihyun only to find him shutting off his laptop than checking the wristwatch on his hand, his brows furrowing with that. "I think you should go home. It's almost midnight already."

The nonchalant aura coming from him made me wonder if I hallucinated everything. If not, my hunch was just wrong.

He just wanted to see the blush on my face, that's about it.

But the hint of disappointment that surged through me made me start to question myself.

In a daze, I got up to leave slipping in my backpack and after I had left through the main door I found Kihyun following me out, locking the door behind him.

I gave him a questioning look while he was still in the midst of wearing a black hoodie over his white tee. "It's late, I don't think you should go alone." And then he craned his neck letting out a cracking sound of his bones.

"Did you forget I used to work late at night in a convenience store," taking the lead I saw with the corner of my eyes that he was walking by me. "I will take the bus and it won't even take ten minutes."

"Ten minutes it is then," he answered in a low voice as we got on the lift.

I could've made myself clear that I was alright going home alone, the streets were not so empty, it was Seoul after all albeit a bit cold with the rush of winds. For some reasons I could not find myself completely pushing him away.

He was silent, almost as if he was invisible by my side or acted like it, but I could still feel his strong presence.

I could feel our arms grazing a few times, my full-sleeved shirt and his black hoodie covering his skin. Yet it ignited a fire in me and burned my face.

I could feel him kicking on a can, I could feel him walk confidently staring straight ahead. Even though he was not as tall as the rest of the boys of the club he was still taller than me.

If I felt closely I could even hear him breathing, and that too sounded like music to my ear.

There was definitely something wrong with me. As if I was hangover the scene from before in his place kept replaying in my head over and over.

And I wanted to hide my face in shame every time.

While getting on the bus too I kept my head so low as if doing that would make me vanish in the night air. The bus was not crammed since it was already late at night.

I took a window seat and only then I noticed that Kihyun had gotten on the bus too and sat by my side.

Again I could not help but throw in a questioning look. He stared at my face for a second before answering.

"I'll take a cab back."

Why was he wasting his time like that? Often I had wondered if he was a calculative person but here he was. "Don't you have finals coming?"

"I do," he took out his earphones from his hoodie's pockets and plugged them on his ear before pulling out his phone and staring at the lit screen.

Being an antisocial myself I literally knew this action meant that this was the end of the conversation. So I looked out the window and saw the blur of the buildings, late-night stores, and people passing by.

Time went so fast that it felt like my stop came in just a few seconds. As I got up, he did the same and followed me down.

"You don't have to come from here, my place is right around the corner," keeping my eyes at the asphalt I said, unable to match his gaze. Thankfully it was so dark he would not be able to see my reddened face.

"Okay," he still stood there. I was the one to leave first and when walking down the narrow street I looked back after a while, prepared to see no one there.

Yet there he was, staring at me from afar.

Holding the straps of my bag tightly I rushed towards my home, tears suddenly welling up in my eyes for no reason at all. There was an overwhelming amount of emotions I was feeling as I pulled open the door and barged inside.

No longer did I wonder why was I being like this. Because I already knew.

I was developing feelings for Kihyun, for the first time in my life starting to have romantic feelings for someone.

It was what those anonymous writers that I worked for while I was a freelancer wrote about, depicting it as having a 'crush'.

I did not have the time or energy to busy myself with a crush, nor did he. And at that very moment with a tear escaping my eyes, and my heart beating loudly in my chest as I stood leaning on the door with my back I assured myself that this 'crush' would go away.

Though Kihyun was different than my unnamed father, or so it seemed to me, I was not going to make the same mistake as my mom.

Which was falling for someone who I shouldn't fall for.

---
A/n: yall thirsty ass probably mad for not getting a kiss lmao

*an angry hyungwon jumps from the back with a bible in his hand*

Btw I'm actually making another monsta x related story here soon. Will you read it? :(