holding on {t.r.}

t w e n t y t h r e e

"Expecto Patronum!" Tom yelled angrily, becoming frustrated with himself for still being unable to cast his patronus after trying so many times. "Shit!"

"Relax," Alexandra stated, reassuringly placing her hands on his shoulders. "You're not going to get it right away."

"How did you learn to do it?" He asked, running his hand through his hair. Alexandra sighed. "This is a highly advanced charm, and the fact that you were able to produce it so easily during your fifth year-"

"I don't know," she admitted, adding learning the Patronus Charm to the growing list of things she doesn't remember. "Look, there's more than one way to cast a Patronus. If you can't think of a real happy memory, you could try imagining a scenario that would make for one. Perhaps your first day as a professor, or-"

"I haven't got a bloody clue what it feels like to be happy!" Tom stressed, sighing when he realized he raised his voice. "I'm imagining every possible moment that's made me feel even the slightest bit of positive emotion, and nothing is working."

"Dig deep into your greatest desires," Alexandra encouraged, causing him to think back to their moments standing before the Mirror of Erised. "Close your eyes, and let your mind run free. Just for a moment. Focus on the first thing that comes to you."

Tom did as she said, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath as he attempted to think of a scenario that brought him any amount of joy. He began with the image he saw in the mirror: an older version of himself and Alexandra standing beside each other. Only now, there was someone who looked like a much younger version of Tom standing between them; a boy. A boy who would grow up with a family who will love him, teach him, and be there for him. A boy who would live the life Tom always wished he had.

"It's impossible," Tom whispered to himself. He felt Alexandra's fingers tangle within his, and he relaxed for a moment.

"Nothing is impossible," Alexandra smiled. "You of all people should know that."

"I've murdered a number of people, and, as a result, damaged my soul to the point where it is irreparable. You shouldn't act as if it's normal, there's nothing romantic about what I've done or the person I've been," Tom continued, opening his eyes.

"I'm not at all excusing what you've done," Alexandra stated, kicking herself after realizing how many of his actions she seemed to tolerate when she should have openly detested them. Her morals were overshadowed by the belief that people, especially young people, are capable of changing for the better. They always have been, and that quality about her will never change in any timeline. "I've chosen to focus on who you have become rather than who you once were. I truly believe you have the potential to become a great man. A man deserving of happiness and love."

Tom looked at Alexandra, a girl with the most beautiful soul and the purest heart, and wondered why she chose him of all people to care for. It filled his chest with a warmth he didn't recognize, but he enjoyed it. He held onto the feeling, taking his hands away from Alexandra's to instead take out his wand. He took another deep breath, mixing the feeling in his chest with the image of his future in hopes that maybe it would be enough to produce a Patronus.

"Expecto Patronum."

Tom's eyes widened in disbelief as a small burst of silver exploded from the tip of his wand. It wasn't much, but it was something.

"Bloody hell, Tom," Alexandra smiled, also in disbelief. She didn't doubt him, but she didn't expect so much progress so soon. "You did it."

"Expecto Patronum!" He yelled again, grinning like a child when the burst grew larger. Alexandra laughed, full of joy as she saw how excited Tom looked when only moments ago he was questioning whether it was even possible for him to feel such an emotion.

Tom looked at Alexandra with a newfound hope filling his eyes that would have never been there if she hadn't given him a chance. He dropped his wand, cupping her face with his hands as he pulled her close to him and kissed her with every ounce of excitement he had in him.

"Wow," Alexandra said breathlessly as he pulled away. They both chuckled, not moving from the position they were in.

"I think you should give it a go," Tom encouraged, picking up his wand and taking a step back to give her room. "Go on."

"All right," Alexandra hesitated, fixing her stance and concentrating on the feeling still bubbling inside her from the kiss. "Expecto Patronum!"

Similar to Tom, Alexandra watched the small silver burst explode from her wand before disappearing entirely in a matter of seconds. She adjusted her position, gripping her wand tighter as she followed her own advice and dug deep into her desires. She imagined the generic scenarios, getting married and having children, but neither of those mustered the feeling she needed to produce the charm correctly.

All Alexandra truly desired was a sense of clarity, without which she didn't think she would ever be able to feel pure happiness. The feeling of uncertainty will always linger in the back of her mind, acting as a wall between herself and her emotions.

"Expecto Patronum!" She attempted once again, this time producing no result. "I can't."

"Not to worry. We've both got work to do," Tom smiled reassuringly. "I appreciate your help."

"Of course," Alexandra stated, emotionally deflated by her failure but refusing to show it. Instead of sulking, she focused her attention on something that made her smile. "You have a wonderful smile. I wish you'd show it more often instead of that toothless half smile you do."

"You can't force it," Tom joked, taking a step towards her. "It'll come out when it wants to."

Alexandra laughed, her heart beating faster as Tom got closer to her. They both took a deep breath as they kissed again, melting into each other. In contrast to the usual, intense way they went about the action, this time they felt calm as the kiss was slow, soft and sweet. They took their time, enjoying the moment rather than rushing through it as they took a break from the world around them and focused solely on each other.