holding on {t.r.}

t w e n t y

"This is a horrible idea," Alexandra frowned, throwing herself onto her bed as Melissa sat upon her own. "I shouldn't have asked."

"Isn't this what you wanted?" Melissa asked, wondering why Alexandra was making such a fuss.

"No. No, it's not," Alexandra argued. "I thought this is what I wanted, but now I've just got this uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach telling me otherwise. This isn't right."

"What about it isn't right?"

"It just doesn't feel right. Nothing feels right, Melissa. Not since-" Alexandra started, stopping suddenly, not knowing how to finish her sentence. "I just don't think this is supposed to happen."

"You haven't even given it a chance," Melissa frowned.

"Things were perfectly fine the way they were, and then you and Avery had to get involved," Alexandra spat, not liking how she was feeling. She sighed, throwing her head in her hands. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to be taking it out on you. I know you mean well."

"Have the dreams returned?" Melissa asked. Alexandra shook her head. "What is it, then?"

"I wish I knew," Alexandra shrugged. "I don't think this feeling is ever going to go away. Sometimes I can ignore it, but other times..."

"Tell him how you feel," Melissa suggested. "I'm sure he'll understand."

"I can't even cast a bloody Patronus anymore," Alexandra frowned. "I tried last night, after Tom left, and nothing worked. Whatever memories I used before... I can't even remember them."

"Then make new ones," Melissa smiled. "We're going to Hogsmeade today. I'm sure some memories will come back with you. Now, get dressed. I'll meet you down in the common room."

Melissa left Alexandra to get changed, looking for Tom as soon as she entered the room. She found him sitting at his usual spot by the fireplace and sat beside him.

"It's happening again," Melissa sighed.

"What is?" Tom asked, not enjoying her presence.

"Alexandra. She's questioning everything and starting to forget things again," Melissa panicked.

"What things exactly?"

"The memories she used to cast her Patronus," Melissa told him. He waited for her to continue, but she didn't.

"That's all?" Tom asked.

"For now," Melissa stressed. "I was thinking we could brew a memory potion. You know, to see if that could help her remember some of the things she's forgotten and-"

"No-" Tom panicked, taking a deep breath. "I understand your concern, but I don't see a reason to worry."

"Are we ready?" Alexandra asked, walking up behind them.

"I'm still waiting for Avery, but you two go along. We'll catch up," Melissa smiled, looking at Tom as he got up and followed Alexandra to the door. Something wasn't right about the way he reacted.

Alexandra and Tom walked most of the way to Hogsmeade in silence, both lost in thought. Alexandra was attempting to sort out her feelings, convincing herself to wait before changing her mind about anything, while Tom worried about what would happen if Alexandra drank the memory potion.

Months ago, when Alexandra jokingly mentioned the possibility of herself being from the future, Tom decided to do a little research of his own. He would go to the Room where Alexandra kept all of her books and notes, and he would skim through every word she underlined, circled or added to the margins of her textbooks. If he read correctly, it was possible that Alexandra's silly suggestion was the truth all along.

It seemed impossible at first. Her research was based solely on theories that could never be proven, but the more he researched, the more things made sense. The amount of notes taken, book pages folded, and prophet articles piled together told Tom that Alexandra was just as convinced as he was.

If they were right, and Alexandra drank the potion, it could be possible for her to remember everything. Tom could only imagine how desperate she would be to return to the life she once knew, and how disappointed she would be when she realized that life didn't exist anymore. He knew how it felt to be so angry at the world that every shred of hope that ever existed diminished into nothing. If Alexandra knew the truth, he expected that her anger would surpass that mark, and she would become much worse than the person he once intended to be.

Tom was right that Alexandra had the same theory he had; it's why she spent so many months researching it. At first, she played it off as a joke. She didn't want to believe that something so horrible could be true. Still, she kept researching until everything started to make sense, including her dreams and lost memories. She was convinced she knew how everything happened, but she didn't know why; why she would go back in time and why she never returned. She had considered drinking a memory potion far before Melissa suggested it to get the answers she desired, but never did. As torturous as it was to feel like something was missing all of the time, she knew it would be much worse to know what was missing and never be able to get it back. She, like Tom, expected the worst from knowing the truth, which is why she decided to stop searching for it.

"Is everything all right?" Tom asked, noticing that Alexandra has been staring at the ground the entire time they've been walking. She looked up at him and nodded.

"Yeah, I'm all right," she smiled. "Just lost in thought, I suppose."

"Burbank and Avery are expecting to meet us at the Three Broomsticks," Tom explained, the look on his face telling Alexandra he wasn't looking forward to the meeting.

"I say we ditch them," Alexandra suggested, peaking Tom's interest. "They'll just snog the whole time, anyway."

"Not if we start snogging first," Tom joked.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but you don't seem like the kind of person who spends his time at Honeydukes," Alexandra stated. "I say we go there."

"What's so interesting about a shop that sells sweets?" Tom asked.

"You won't know until you go," Alexandra smiled, grabbing his hand and pulling him towards the candy shop.