It's Only The Heat [18+]

-39- 🌓 Running From Myself

"I've been running from myself afraid of what I'd find. But how am I supposed to love you, when I don't love who I am? And how can I give you all of me, when I'm only half a man?"
~Dean Lewis, 'Half A Man'

~~~

*Oliver's POV*

I stare at the entrance of my pack, my mind in complete and utter chaos.

Today is the first day I'm returning home after the death of my father. I am returning as Alpha, with my mate by my side.

A hurricane of emotions swirl through me, keeping me rooted in my spot as I continue to stare at the gates.

Grief over losing my father.
Guilt for grieving a terrible monster.
Fear that I'm not ready to lead.
Worry that my mate won't like it here.

When I told Noah I would be returning home, he said he was coming with me, and that it wasn't up for debate. I didn't argue with him, knowing it would've been pointless.

Ever since I woke up, Noah has been by my side. I could feel his fear seeping through our bond; the fear of losing me again. It sends a stab of pain through my heart, knowing how scared Noah was when my father nearly killed me.

Although we've only been together for a short time, and we haven't even completed the mating bond, I can see now that I never really understood what love is. Not with my family. Not with Theo.

Not until I became Noah's mate.

He goes above and beyond to remind me that I am worthy of love, even when I don't agree. Looking at him now, I still don't think I'm worthy of his love. He's too good. The Moon really fucked him over by making me his mate.

A warm hand slides into mine, pulling me out of my thoughts as tingles run up my arm. Noah looks at me with a warm smile, silently encouraging me to enter my pack.

Taking a deep breath, I hold tightly to Noah's hand and walk through the pack gates.

Eyes follow us from every angle as we walk towards the pack house. My hands grow sweaty as I try not to let my fear shine through; a good leader isn't supposed to show fear.

"Oli," Noah whispers lowly. "I can feel how scared you are, baby. You have nothing to afraid of. Just relax."

"I can't relax," I say through clenched teeth. "If they all knew how scared I am, they wouldn't take me seriously. An Alpha shouldn't let his pack know that he's afraid."

Noah stops us in our track, his iron grip on my hand forcing me to stop walking.

"Oliver, look at me," Noah commands in a stern tone I've never heard from him before. "That was the way your father chose to lead this pack. He raised you to believe all the fucked up ideals he had. You do not have to be like him. You are your own person. The pack will only thrive if you lead the way you want to."

I stare at my mate, completely dumbfounded. The urge to jump into his arms and finally kiss him overwhelms me, and makes my cheeks feel warm. Clearing my throat, I simply nod my head and look away. Noah sighs, but tugs my hand to signal that we can keep walking.

When we arrive at the pack house, I find the elders, warriors, and my father's Beta waiting for me. I take a deep breath, keeping my fingers intertwined with Noah's for support.

"Alpha Oliver," the elders say in unison with a bow of respect. It takes me by surprise, as I wasn't expecting them to call me their Alpha so quickly.

One of the elders steps forward. "We need to prepare for your ceremony for the Moon Goddess to bless you as our Alpha. Is this your Luna?" He asks, gesturing towards Noah.