demon lover

Chapter 33

I woke up with a sadness. The anguish I felt for that little boy was completely and utterly overwhelming. MY heart broke for him, but I understood. However, I did not belong to anyone. I would fight the attraction I felt to the both of them until I could figure out what the fuck was going on.  Trying to shake it off, I climbed out of the bed. Walking over to the window, taking deep breaths as I tried to calm my very soul. Grasping it all feeling impossible, I decided to start taking one step at a time, and asking more questions. This was all happening to me, and someone had to have some answers. I stood in front of the window for what felt like hours, just watching the trees sway from side to side. Calming motions. At some point I smelled Antonio, don't ask me how, I just did. He brushed his hand across my hair, adding to the calmness. He brought me a chair, and pushed me into it. I blocked everyone out including him, and just continued to concentrate on the gently, and sometimes not gentle brush and sway of the trees. I tried counting the leaves at one point. I heard people come in and out of the room, and a few even tried to speak to me. I continued to block them out. Concentrating only on the trees. I was thrilled when Antonio never left my side, and even thought to open the windows, so that I could smell the beautiful air.  I concentrating on the trees, and the scents of the outdoors. I never heard Damion come in, but I felt him. I felt his sorrow, and his angst. He was just as confused as I was. He was scared as well, although, I am sure that he would never admit that to me. Maybe someone else. Maybe he would confide in someone just how scared he was. When Damion came into the room, it was always as if two people had entered. I was unsure what that actually meant, and was positive that I was uninterested in finding that out right now. Dante came to see me only once, and I smelled his tears. He was more worried about losing than he was about me. I cannot explain how I knew that either. I felt that I cold read peoples emotions, and smell who they were and when they came into the room. This both confused me, and excited me. I was unsure what this meant as well. 

The Queen, she was  the one that visited the most. She silenced Antonio and sat in the room next to me. She too was concentrating on the leaves, and the trees. I knew this because at one point she told me so. She told me that the trees smelled so good, and watching them sway to and from was very relaxing. She told me not to worry about anything going on around me right now. That I needed to concentrate and take this time for myself. To come to terms with everything that was happening. All of the changes that I would feel. My mind needed calmness, stillness. Alone, without the boys. Alone inside of my head. Why I could not say, because I still could not understand what was going on. She could read my mind though, so maybe that is why she understood.

I wasn't sure how much time passed. I went through hunger pains, and moments that I was so tired I thought I would pass out. A thought crossed my mind that I was there for too long, when Antonio got on his knees in front of me, begging me to snap out of it. Sorrow running like a shadow across his face. He was so concerned, he did not want me to die. It was time to deal with reality. I had to snap out of it. I could not die, and leave behind this mess. I was the center of it, and I knew that if I didn't survive, that Damion would not either. If he was to be King, I could not take him away from here. I couldn't be responsible for killing him, because I could not bear to live. I had to find my way out.

Antonio

I spoke to the queen today. I was almost a week since Jo went into this trans. I kept everyone at bay. She needed the time I was told my the queen. She needed this.

"She will come out of this, I promise you, another day or two. She is in shock, her mind shattered and broken. She needs time, and she is taking it. Leave her be, and watch over her. Make certain the the boys keep their distance. She needs them to stay back. I know that she senses all of us, she will sense them as well. Lets not push her. She will come back when she is ready."

I took the queens advice, and kept everyone away. Thank god Dante and Damion were in their right minds, and allowed the space that Jo needed. I wasn't sure how they were both able to control themselves, but whatever they were doing was working, and keeping everyone calm. Damion was beside himself with worry, and took responsibility for her being in this state. He knew that he had pushed too hard.  He did not visit too often because he said that he needed to search for his own answers to things, and during that time he did not trust himself not to push, or perhaps even cause harm to Jo. 

As I sat on my knees in front of Jo, she started to cry as she finally looked away from the trees and into my eyes. I felt joy that she was finally out of it, and sorrow that she had to go through this at all. She placed her hands on either side of my face and smiled through her tears.

"Thank you Antonio, for watching over me, and taking care of me."

I stood up and took her hand in mine. 

"Let us get you washed up, changed, and fed. Then we will seek our answers. Together. I will not leave your side, and I will protect you, always."