I'm seventeen, and I have one thing in common with most teenagers; I mess with my parents all the time. But with me, it is ALL THE TIME. At least a few times a day, I say something or make a joke that makes my parents whip around and scream "WHAT?!", or it causes them to stop breathing. Or, as of late, they just laugh or roll their eyes at me.
For example, a few months ago, my family was going on a trip up north (if you have read previous chapters, that was the same trip, and the same day, that I met Lifeguard). My stomach decided to be a buttface that morning, and I was throwing up after only eating a granola bar. I was leaning over the toilet and my dad came in to see if I was ok. I looked up at him and said "God this morning sickness sucks, Dad. I don't know if I can take this for eight more months." Of course he knew I was only kidding, but he still got that look in his eye for a split second that said both "Oh my god, please don't let my sixteen year old daughter be pregnant," and "I'm going to be killing someone very soon." Then he snorted and rolled his eyes, and I laughed when he walked away.
Another example is when my mom and I were talking about
(VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!!!)
oral sex. I'm not sure how we got on that topic, but we somehow did. She was telling me how she didn't understand how a guy could like his 'thing' in someone's mouth (god I feel so nasty writing about this) and I said 'yeah, especially if he were to accidentaly pee in the girl's mouth or something' and she said that didn't happen because guys can't pee when they're... excited. So I said "Oh ok, I'll remember that" with a really straight face. My mom said "Ok good," then she turned around and was like "Wait WHAT?!"
It's moments like that that make me almost fall out of my chair laughing.
I do that to my poor parents on a daily basis. A few minutes ago even, right before I started writing this, I walked out of my room and started doing a very sexual dance in front of my mom while singing Your Body by Christina Aguilera at the top of my lungs. It made it even better that she was on the phone with one of her friends. They all think I'm so innocent... Which I am :) I just like acting like a slut in front of my parents so I can give them mini heart attacks.
For anyone reading this, I don't recommend doing this to your parents... Ok I'm totally lying. It's too funny not to encourage other people to do! While you're still young and innocent, it's hilarious to make your parents pee their pants by acting like a teenager with raging hormones. However, if you're not innocent and your parents know it, don't act like that. That just adds fuel to the fire if they want to punish you and contain you somehow. But for people like me, that are completely innocent and have cool parents, come up with something good and slutty, and then go straight to your parents and tell them exactly what's on your mind :) One of my personal favorites is wearing skinny jeans and going up to my parents and saying "Look at how tight my pants are! AALLLL the boys will be looking at my butt now!" Then I shake it and walk away. And that is how I'm such a terrible daughter.
Until next time :)
