Trying Not To Love You

Part Thirty Six

The kiss this time was leisurely, pleasurable, and for Sonny contained the confidence that she wasn't about to rush away. Though when it did end, a natural conclusion, he cupped her cheek and smiled, "you sure about this?"

She gave a half laugh, "no! But I'm sick of running and hiding."

His grin was akin to that of a Cheshire cat and she couldn't help but laugh, "shall we go home?" That was an extremely loaded question, they both knew that, but she nodded, taking his hand, and following him out into the street. As he closed the door and locked it, he smiled at her, "I'll get it ready for opening later, ok? This won't eat into your time with Ethan."

She smiled, "thanks."

He squeezed her hand, "I want what you want."

Nodding she let him lead her into the village. The route to the farm was short, along the high street, to the pub a few minutes walk, then the dark path that cut through the fields back to the house. As they approached the pub James was throwing out the last of the patrons and as he saw them and waved, Martha pulled her hand free of Sonny's, physically separating them.
                "Busy night?" He called out to them.

At the same time that Martha replied, "can't complain, it's good for business,", Sonny hissed, "like you wouldn't believe!" under his breath.

Martha heard it, but ignored it, instead exchanging pleasantries with James all the while her heart pounding frantically.

They'd passed the pub, James closing the door with a wave, when Sonny turned to her.
"I thought this was what you want?"

She sighed, "Carter."

                "You snatched your hand away like you'd been burned, like you're ashamed to be seen with me."

She stopped and turned to him, hating the pain and anguish on his face, she'd really hurt him, "I..." she sighed, "this is between us isn't it? Not anyone else, can't we just keep it that way."

                "I'm not embarrassed, I'm not ashamed, I want everyone to know."

She reached up to touch his face, "I know you do, I know you don't care what people think, and that's not what this is about. I don't want to spoil things, and I don't want Scott to know. James'd be on the phone as soon as we passed, and this weekend isn't about that, ok?"

"You're not ashamed?"

She shook her head, "every woman in town wants you Carter, that's nothing for me to be ashamed of."

He groaned, "I..."

She laughed, "that wasn't me having a go at you. I've said we'll try things, and I meant it. Ok?"

Sonny had had a lifetime of rejection, a lifetime of no one but the criminal underworld wanting him; would he ever believe that a woman like Martha would really want him? For as successful as he was with women it was always a means to an end, he appreciated women for what they gave him, stress free sex, he knew it sounded conceited, maybe even contrite, but it had always been an honest arrangement with all the women he slept with. But with Martha, with Martha suddenly he wanted more; he wanted the walks in the park, the trips to the cinema, romantic meals. Now for the first time he wanted it all.

Martha's kiss, her hand protectively on his cheek made him sigh. He nodded, he had to understand that she was both more anxious than him and concerned about what people thought and did, but also that she had to think of her son, and the impact things would have on him.
Linking hands once more they continued the trip to the farmhouse. The house was in darkness, and as they approached Martha hated the anxiety that mounted in her, the nausea, the worry, the fear. She wasn't scared of him, but she was scared of how he made her feel, the way he'd cause her to lose control, to throw caution to the wind. She had spent the last five years controlling every single aspect of her life, now he was here threatening to upend everything, and whilst that scared her, it also thrilled her, the thought of him touching her again, those magical hands, lips, all teasing her to the heights of pleasure. He was definitely a drug, no matter how she interpreted it, this, him, she couldn't turn her back on it, she needed this man, desperately.
She unlocked the door and entered the kitchen nervously, suddenly there was no going back, she knew where this was heading.