The Beauty & The Tragedy

This Is No Ordinary Love

Demi loved me with a madness that I couldn't possibly explain. She was consuming and wild. She overtook me completely in the best of ways. It amazed how focused she was on our relationship and recovery. She went to five meetings a week and even on her bad days, she tried to have a positive outlook. The one thing that did concern me, was the lack of music. I hadn't seen her play since she got out of treatment over four months ago.

We lived at her house for the most part. She had access to all of her instruments and a recording studio. She seemed completely uninterested. It was a strange thing to say the least. I always associated Demi with music and vice versa. I didn't want to bring it up and upset her. It was important to me that she felt comfortable and accepted the way she was. It wouldn't take much to push her back into the darkness she worked hard to leave behind.

"Why do you look worried?" She asked as she peered over her book.

"I'm not." I said as I pushed my hair back. "I've just been thinking."

"About what?" She prodded as her eyes scanned the pages in front of her.

"You." I answered truthfully.

"And?" She questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"Are you ok?" I asked nervously. "I mean I haven't seen you play or even write since you got home and..."

"Selena." She interrupted with a smile. "I'm fine. I'm just decompressing. I have a lot of shit that I'm gonna get out when I start writing again and it's gonna bring up a lot of feelings. I'm just categorizing it so I can properly cope." She explained. "Im learning how to walk again baby. It takes time. I have to deal with my feelings."

"That actually makes a lot of sense."

"I have been playing. Just so you know." She added as she returned her attention to the book she was reading.

"What? When?" I asked confused.

"I have trouble sleeping sometimes. I get up and go downstairs into the studio plug my guitar in and record. I wear headphones so I don't disturb you."

"I had no idea." I said slightly dumbfounded. "Next time you can't sleep, wake me up." I added gently.

"Ok." She nodded.

Satisfied with the conversation, I crawled toward her and rested my head in her lap. Automatically, she played with my hair as she continued reading her book. I loved how effortless her affection was. It was almost like she craved me. She made me feel like the most important part of her world.

"Demi."

"Hmm." She mumbled, distracted by her book.

"I love you." I said gently.

She smiled and went back to her book. That smile was all the confirmation I needed. Settling into a life with her was one of the easiest things I'd ever done. It surprised me at first because she was a very complicated person. She trusted me completely and because of that she was open and vulnerable to me. It made her crazy easier to handle. It amazed me how much I still learned about her everyday.

I was nervous when I started going back to work full time. Leaving her alone for extended periods of time worried me. She had this funny habit of proving me wrong and easing my fears. I'd come home to dinner and her brilliant smile every night. Eventually, I stopped worrying. There were a few bad days peppered in here and there. She was careful to tell me she was struggling and she expressed how she was feeling the best she could. I made myself available to her at all times.

She worried about her needs completely over taking me. She was a lot of work sometimes. I constantly assured her it was ok. I loved taking care of her. It was the most important thing that I did with my life. I loved her more than anything and there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for her. I made sure she knew that because she made me feel the same way. I wanted to love her as much as she loved me.