voices. • the third book in the mute. series • muke au

call.

omg this is so crazy! there is only 1 chapter in this and it's already 519 in fanfiction!! thank you guys sososo much! I love you!!! and speak is at 119:) u guys rock

hugz and tickles

-carlee

Luke.

I've taken up a new habit.

Biting my nails.

My lip started bleeding.

I still do nibble on it every now and then, but it's sore. The sensitive skin is broken, cracked. Every time I get nervous or let my mind wander too far, I gnaw on my lip viciously. And the taste of blood dots my tongue, making my mouth taste of metal.

Nails though, they don't bleed. Unless you literally bit them off, which I don't. It hasn't gotten that far.

Yet.

I'm sure soon enough I will chomp on my thumb nail so hard it will split right down the middle and fall off. The thought strangely doesn't make me cringe. It doesn't make me feel anything. Maybe I just want an excuse to go back to biting my lip.

I can't feel anything with my nails, it's just a distraction which isn't the point at all. The point of me constantly biting on my lower lip and tugging on my lip ring is a way of telling myself to stop. To stop thinking, the pain brings my back to reality. It reminds me to just stop thinking and focus on the pain of my supple skin being sawed through by my teeth.

I stare into the darkness, thinking. I need to stop. Because every thought I ever start to form always ends with him. Every time. I don't know hoe every single thought, memory, or sound reminds me of him. It is literally killing me.

I don't know what time I finally managed to fall asleep, but when I was awaken by the ringing of my phone..I was pissed. I could barley open my eyes. I blindly reached for my phone and pressed to my ear quickly, laying back down.

"Hello?" I grumbled, almost inaudible. I was already starting to fall back asleep.

"Luke? Where the hell are you?! I've called you twice!" He yells, making me jump.

"Ashton? Jesus, what time is it?" I mumble again, startled by his sudden call.

"Dude it's like one o'clock...in th afternoon. Why aren't you here? He hasn't even said anything about you the whole day. I'm confused, you of all people should be here even if you just in a stupid fight." he rushes out, sounding upset.

Ashton hasn't been around so often, he was with Melissa and their child. I actually haven't talked to him in about a month.

"You mean you don't know? H-He didn't even mention me?" my voice cracks. I couldn't cry though, I don't think I had any tears left.

"What are you talking about?"

"A-Ash, he filed for divorce last week. I'm not even in Sydney anymore." I say softly. He was silent for a moment.

"What the fuck is going on Luke?" he breaths.

"He cheated. I left, he sent me the divorce papers, well he had Calum do it for him actually. But April and I, we...we went to America with Calum. We are staying in his Aunts, or cousins or someones lake house." I inform him.

"What the fuck?" he whispers.

"Why did you call Ash?" I ask him, really not wanting to talk to anyone right now. I just want to curl into a ball and sleep my life away.

"Luke...I don't know how to tell you this. I just-I can't believe this is happening." his voice distraught, I could hear him shuffling around. "Michael tried to kill himself." he blurts out. "Fuck, it all makes sense now.." he whispers.