Same Mistakes (One Direction)

I believe you

This chapter is actually really big and important!

ALL kind  comments will get dedications! (:

Recap:

Before I could even shut off my lights, the doorbell rang. I sighed and made my way down stairs hoping it was Kelly. I wiped away the stray tears and opened the door. My eyes widened as I realized who it was.

“Harry?” I said my voice barely audible.

I watched as his eyes studied my face.

“Belle we need to talk”

All I could do was stare at Harry as he stood awkwardly in the frame of my door. I subconsciously pulled down my shirt to cover my ribs that were sticking out.

“Can I come in?” He asked, shoving his hands in his pockets.

I nodded and moved out of his way as he walked in. I led him to the kitchen where he took a seat on the stool.

“Tea?” I asked, already getting everything together.

“Thanks” He replied.

I kept my back to him as I made two cups of tea, an awkward silence filling the air. I fiddled around pouring hot water into the mugs and handing him one. He gave me a small smile and sipped at the cup. I leaned myself against the side of the counter, trying not to make eye contact.

“Belle” He said after a couple minutes.

I just looked up at him, biting my lip.

His eyes scanned over my body and again I became self-conscious. I pulled at the hem of my shit and placed the tea down so I could cross my arms over my chest.

“You got skinnier” He said simply.

I felt a pang of hurt in my chest. Did he mean I was fat before? He must of noticed my upset look because he immediately looked guilty.

“I don’t mean like you were bad before… I just mean… “ he let out a frustrated sigh, pulling at his messy curls.

 “I’m sorry” He said after a while.

“Why did you come?” I asked.

He opened his mouth then closed it again.

I stared at his face, trying to read him but he kept a blank expression.

“I don’t know” He replied honestly, looking into my eyes.

I quickly looked away, pressing my lips together in a straight line.

“I guess… I just couldn’t throw away everything on a stupid mistake” He said. I could feel his stare on the side of my face.

“I thought you were done with me.” I stated

“Kelly told me what happened”

I closed my eyes tight, still turned away from him. So that’s what Kelly was doing yesterday when she left, even after I specifically told her not to.

“That doesn’t matter. I don’t want you here because you feel bad for me. I don’t need your charity.” I said, hurt. Truth is, I wanted him here. I wanted him to tell me he loved me and cared about me, because that’s something I needed right now; to feel loved.

“Im not here because I was forced, im here because I want to be” He said, standing up and walking over to me.

I felt tears burning in my eyes. I refused to let anyone do this to me, I refused to let anyone care about me because I always ended up getting hurt, but I promised myself. I promised I would let people in, that I would stop pushing them away. I just didn’t know about Harry, I didn’t know if I was ready to let him in, to let myself believe he cared about me at all.

“You don’t have to lie Harry. Obviously Kelly made you come here.” I said, turning away from him.

He lifted up a hand to brush away a stray tear. I flinched under his touch and he looked hurt.

“Why is it so hard for you to believe me belle. Why is it so hard for you to believe I actually care about you?” He whispered.

I faced him, looking into his green eyes.

“Because Harry.” I said my voice cracking.

“Because I’m not as pretty as the other girls. Because I’m not as skinny as those other girls. Because I’m not as good as those other girls. Because those other girls don’t have cancer. Because those girls get everything they want and I always lose everything I care about. Because I will never, no matter how hard I try, be one of those girls.” I could feel the tears spilling down my cheeks. I was finally telling him everything I had ever felt. The reason I was so insecure and the reason I never let people in. It was all because I never felt good enough for anyone. I was finally letting someone understand, and I didn’t know how to feel.

He looked so hurt by what I had just said that I almost felt bad.

“Belle, please don’t say that” He whispered, leaning closer to me.

“It’s true Harry,” I said, looking down.

“No its not, none of it. You are beautiful, you have always been beautiful and even right now, when you look so hurt and weak, you are still so beautiful. Cancer isn’t stopping you from being beautiful belle, its only making me realize how strong you are. I know you’ve been hurt, I can see it. I can tell that you have a hard time letting people care about you because you’re afraid they will leave you. I know you belle, I know what it means to you that I’m here right now. I know you felt so broken when I left because you felt like you were losing everything. I know because I can read you like an open book. You can’t tell me you don’t feel the same as I do, because I know you, and I know you do. I know you feel It too”

With every sentence his lips got closer to mine. They were only centimeters apart; I could feel his breath on my face. I tried to believe his words but I just couldn’t.

“You could never care about someone like me” I said

“I care about you so much more then you realize” He said.

Before I could reply his lips landed on me. I felt everything in that kiss. I felt how much Harry cared about me; I felt the passion between us, and I felt all my worries and insecurities melting away.

Somehow, after everything I had ever felt and all the pain I had gone though, Harry had managed to make me feel beautiful with this kiss. He made me feel wanted, and important, he made me feel loved.

He deepened the kiss, wrapping his arms around my waist.

We both pulled away, breathing deeply. Harry rested his forehead on mine and looked into my eyes.

“Please believe me belle. Let me love you until you can learn to love yourself.”

“I believe you” I whispered.

He grabbed my cheeks, smashing his lips on mine and kissed me again. This kiss was different. It was full of lust and longing.

He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me upstairs to my room.

He layed me on the bed, straddling me.

“Harry I’m ready” I said, my voice sounding small.

His eyes widened and he studied my face.

“Are you sure?” He whispered.

“Yes” I replied.

He smiled and put his hand on my face.

“You’re so beautiful belle. I love you.”

He leaned down and kissed me.

That night I finally let myself believe harry. We had only known each other for a little bit but he was the first person in a long time that I let myself care about. I finally was able to believe him when he said he loved me. He made me feel beautiful and worth something.

That night I gave myself whole heartedly to Harry, and I didn’t regret it at all.