Finding Carter | ✓

Chapter Eleven

Chapter 11
Lust

Silence. That was all I could hear.

Completely anxious, I waited for Dr. Arbus to finish what she was writing in the notebook that was currently in her hold. When she finally did speak, however, I couldn't help my suck in my breath.

She sighed, clearly exhausted, but still managed to sound elegant in my ears. "Carter, we've been seeing one another for almost three weeks. I say this not to rush you, but the lack of progress is concerning." I stared at my lap with embarrassment while she added, "I understand the trauma Aiden caused impacted you greatly, but I really would like to understand some of the dreams you have been receiving, so I can help you."

"Dr. Arbus, I—" I began as I lifted my head but stopped when I saw her smile sadly.

"Carter, you know you may call me Kimberly. Or Kim, whatever you choose." I pulled my lips into a nervous smile. She sat back and asked calmly, "So, Carter. When was the recent dream you experienced that had Aiden?"

I tried to take a deep breath to slow my racing heart. To give myself some time, I scratched my temple as I looked off to the side.

"I guess the most recent one would be Monday," I spoke honestly when I turned my gaze back to Dr. Arbus.

She nodded once in satisfaction, letting me continue. Only, I couldn't think straight as I recalled the dream—the nightmare.

As I dropped my head into the palm of my hand, I heard Kimberly whisper soothingly, "Just take your time."

My eyes tightened for a moment as I rubbed a hand on my chest. Once I calmed down as much as I could, I looked back up, trying to hold back my tears. "It was Aiden. He was telling me that he would be the only one for me," I said, pausing for a moment. "Then he killed... he killed everyone I loved. And I couldn't move. I couldn't move and I couldn't help them, until I was all alone."

The words struggled to come out of me by the end, and I closed my eyes, forcing the tears to stay behind my eyelids as I remembered the total emptiness I felt inside me.

"Dreams often resulting in loved ones dying can be connected your fear of losing them," she suddenly said, making me open my eyes and stare at her. "Aiden saying this means that you may assume he has the power to take them from you. This could be linked back to your time in the system."

When I didn't say anything, she continued. "When we first met two years ago, you mentioned a friend who had been with you since the beginning, until you were taken from him. It seems you fear that it can happen again."

I struggled to swallow before whispering, "Why would I think that?"

"Because you might associate Aiden as a powerful enough person to hurt you. Once you stop giving him that power, his influence on you cease to exist."

Forcing myself to loosen my muscles, I nodded, keeping my eyes on my knees as I fiddled my thumbs. "How do I do that?"

She didn't answer at first, but when I lifted my head so I could meet her gaze, she inhaled softly. "Look back at your shared memories together. Accept what was the past and accept that there isn't anything that can be changed. Once you accept that, you can begin to heal yourself."

I nodded, feeling choked up. "Okay," I said looking at the time. "Will you just... I need to go."

I didn't wait for her reply. Grabbing my things in a rush, I ran out of her office and closed the door behind me before pressing my back against the wall next to the door. My eyes closed as I dragged my back down the wall, so I was sitting on the carpeted floor.