It's complicated. (Janoskians Fanfic about Jai Brooks) [EDITING]

Chapter 31

A spider bit my finger guys. D: It's all swollen up and itchy. Oh my god, oh well. Here you go.

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*Jess's POV*

I had gone home before I went to where I actually I was intending. I had changed into some shorts and old shirt I had tucked in the back of my drawers. I grabbed a bag I had laying around. I never used it because all I ever carried was my phone and well that's what pockets were for, right? I put my house keys, phone and money into the small bag. I just felt I'd be out for awhile. I left my house and sighed. I felt like I was running away, but I wasn't. I'd just be gone a couple hours, maybe until tomorrow. I started walking. Thinking about everything that has happened since the moment I bumped into Jai that Monday morning. Why'd I ever offer to help out? I just should've fangirled and carried on with my simple life, but no. Why did I do it? It's actually really ironic when you look at it. I offered to help him and now I'm hurting him. I helped to just end up doing the opposite. After awhile of walking, I went into a gas station and bought a water bottle. I stuffed it into my bag and continued with my journey. I was tempted to get my phone out and listen to music, but my phone would end up dying and if I had an emergency, well I'd be screwed. Which I know I wouldn't have one, but still. You never know. After two hours of walking, I finally arrived to my destination. I stared up at the black vinyl fence that hovered over me and how long it went from each side, like it never ended. I looked at the shining black gate in front of me. I was at the cemetery. I sat out in front of the gate for awhile. One because I was scared. I never wanted to come near this place. Two because my legs felt like jello. I'm skinny, but I'm not athletic. So my legs hurt. After awhile of resting I got up and stood in front of the gate. My legs turned into jello again. I was terrified. I don't know why, but I guess it's because well they're all dead and it's just bones. I shivered at the thought. I finally got myself to opening the gate and walked through, goosebumps forming all over my arms. I really didn't know where to look so I just looked at every single tombstone I came upon. It actually took me two hours til I found David's. I couldn't believe I had gone that long looking, but anything that involved David, I was interested. Ugh, how cliché. That made me think how David would do such cheesy and cliché things for me because he knew I hated it, but it was our thing. You know? Every relationship had something that made it unique. It

made it their relationship. That

made me think, what did Jai and I have? Could you even call us a couple? Could you say we were happy? I shook my head and repressed the thought. I stood in front of his tombstone. I didn't have an emotional breakdown. Just staring down at it and the flowers that surrounded it. Some had started wilting, some were fresh and some were already dead. I sat down in front of the tombstone crissed crossed applesauce. I removed the dead flowers away and put them beside me. I arranged the flowers so they weren't everywhere. The flowers weren't the only thing around them. There were notes put under rocks so the wind wouldn't blow them away. As well as pictures of people with him. I read the what his tombstone said.

"David A. Castellanos.

Loving son, brother, friend, and boyfriend.

Loved by many.

To be never forgotten."

Tears began rolling down my cheeks as I read that over and over. I hugged the tombstone and laid my head on top of it. I just cried, just cried. I pulled away and brought my knees to my chest. I wiped my tears away and hugged my knees.

"Remember the first day we met?" I said as if David was next to me.

~

I was in front of my house on the sidewalk, drawing with my new chalk my dad got me. I didn't want to go to the park. I just moved here and I had no one to speak to, much less play with. Although they all seemed nice, but I didn't want to. I'm too shy. I'll just let them come around.