It's complicated. (Janoskians Fanfic about Jai Brooks) [EDITING]

Chapter 29

*Jess's POV*

I looked out to everyone. I didn't have this written out on paper. I didn't really need too. It's not like I didn't know who David was. I knew him perfectly, better than anyone in here.

"Well, we all know David was honestly the most perfect person to walk on this earth. Yes, perfect. David was perfect with everything he did. He could make you feel great about yourself even if a second ago you didn't. He could just flash that smile of his and you'd know everything would be ok." I took a deep breath and looked up from the podium to everyone. "I know many of you hate me and blame me for his death. You may deny it, but I know you do. I don't blame you if you do because I blame myself as well. I always will. David shouldn't have been the one to die that day, but me. He shouldn't have saved me." I started feeling that lump in my throat. It hurt so much trying to hold it back. "I just wish I could change that day, but I can't. I have to live with it. Hate me all you want, just don't remind me because I remind myself every single day. What I could've done. What I should've done. My life has been a nightmare since that day. I can't sleep, scared I'll relive those last agonizing moments I had with David. That night should've never happened. This shouldn't be happening right now. David should be alive and we'd both be together, today. We'd be out together, enjoying ourselves." Some tears had began to roll down my cheeks. "I love David. I really do. You can not tell me I don't, because if I didn't this wouldn't be eating me alive. David really loved me too. No one could compare to what we had." I wiped my face with the back of my hand. "I never really ever imagined a life without David. I never thought I had to because David and I wanted a future together, but now I live with that memory haunting me and many more. I want everyone to remember all the good things David did and there were so many that there isn't enough hands in this room to count each one of them on our fingers. David impacted all of us. Maybe without him even knowing or you, but he did. Don't ever forget David Castellanos. We will keep his memory alive. David will never be forgotten by me because I still love him and I don't think I'll ever stop." I looked over at Jai that had tears in his eyes. I looked away and streams of tears ran down my cheeks. I let them run freely as I got off stage and left the auditorium. I left the building. I started walking. At first I had no idea where I was going, but then I did. I was going to a place I thought I'd never go to. A place no one thought I'd ever set foot in.