It's complicated. (Janoskians Fanfic about Jai Brooks) [EDITING]

Chapter 28

*Jai's POV*

I woke up and stretched in bed. Today was Mr. Perfect's memorial. Yes, I have this bit of hate for him, even though he's dead and never knew I ever existed. It's just not fair he had her before me. Our relationship could've been different if I had been here before. Well I need to forget that. I sat up in bed, my feet dangling on the side of my bed. Jess told me I didn't have to come, that it had absolutely no association with me, but I just wanted to be there for her and also I wanted to hear what she had to say about him. I'll always envy him. Always. I sighed. I used the heels of my hands and rubbed my eyes. I got up and looked over at Luke's bunk. He was still sleeping. I went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth. I splashed my face with cold water. I couldn't be sleepy during this memorial, Jess would probably hate me. I splashed more cold water in my face. I went to my room and changed into my black dress pants and shirt. I was stuck between a white bow tie or black tie. I decided for the bow tie. I put on my black and white vans and beanie. I know this didn't really go to much together, but I can't be without a beanie and vans. I was ready to go. I grabbed my phone and left my house. I walked over to Jess's house in a matter of minutes. I didn't feel right just walking in, so I knocked. I was greeted to a Jess with red lines under her eyes. She smiled weakly.

"When are we going?" I said walking in.

"Oh um, I think maybe in a bit." Jess said sitting on the couch. She slumped her shoulders and stared off to space. I've seen Jess in many emotional states, but never this one. I sat next to her and put my arm over her shoulder. She was in another world. A world she'll never let me in. A world I'll never understand what goes on inside. I sighed. I hated this. Although I had nothing to be glum about it sure felt like I had a grey cloud hovering over me. All of us.

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*Jess's POV*

I really wish Jai hadn't decided to come along. I just wanted my family and I. Jai doesn't understand, but he insisted. I have to learn to stop pushing him away. I know he's trying to be the best boyfriend, but he can't be. I don't even know why we're together. I repress him and I cheated on him. Although it was just some small kiss it was still how I considered it. I laid my head Jai's shoulder and hugged him. He hugged me back. I have to stop making him feel like he's worthless because he's far from that. He just needs someone to recognize that and have appreciation and love for him, twenty four seven. Which isn't me, but I felt as if I broke up with him I'd go back into the black hole I was in a year ago and I'm just finally getting out of it. I'm not dating him just for my benefit, I do actually care about him. Just not as much as I should. I sometimes feel like a selfish little bitch. Jai would do the impossible for me and I can barely do the possible for him. We laid our backs on the couch and I pecked his cheek. He shouldn't be with me. I don't deserve him. He doesn't deserve this. It's not fair that David made me end up like this. It's not fair that Jai has to deal with it. Nothing is ever fair and I have to learn to deal with it, one way or another.

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*Jai's POV*

There's nothing more I treasure then when Jess hugs and kisses my cheek. It's rare when she does, or because I did it to her. I have to give Jess some space. I can't be pushing her. I know she deserves better than me, but I couldn't be without her. We have our ups and downs, but we've gotten through them. That's all that matters.

"We'll be going now." Jess's dad said coming down the stairs. Jess and I sat up.

"Ok Dad, we'll be in the car." Jess said standing up. I got up as well and followed her outside. We got inside the back and put our seat belts on. Silence. Jess's parents got into the car. Silence. We drove to the high school. Silence. We got to the high school and went to the auditorium. Silence. This was really weird because although Jess wasn't always happy and what not her parents were and hype, nice and talkative. This was just weird. We sat at the front. There was a projector on the stage and board with pictures of David, changing every minute. It was already half way full of people. I heard some people crying in the back. Some girls walked in front of us and gave Jess some dirty looks as they passed. Jess just looked down. Jess isn't the one to blame for. That's probably the thing that has affected her the most. Everyone seems to blame her and she blames herself. It had been ten minutes before the whole auditorium was full. Some people were stuck standing.

"We'll now be beginning the memorial for Mr. Castellanos." I saw Mrs. James, our principal, say. "We'll have Ms. Gutierrez come up for her speech now." She said looking down at Jess. Jess nodded and got up. She went up the stairs and stood in front of the podium. She took a deep breath and began.