After the Avengers (Clintasha) [Complete]

Chapter 13

Natasha's POV

I'm not exactly sure at what point in the night that I decided that I could no longer take it and I got out of bed, but I know for a fact that it was late.

Clint was fast asleep next to me, my head resting on his bare chest. I felt like I'm drowning and I just couldn't catch my breath. The small room seem to be closing in on me, sealing me away from the rest of the world. I stayed like that, suffering in silence and thinking of Clint's words, before I slowly extracted myself from the bed and left him there to sleep.

I walk out of our bedroom and to the elevator. I don't exactly remember where I went from there or what happened, but when I came out of my delirious state, I'm on the roof with Pepper. The cool air feels wonderful on my skin and I finally feel like I can breathe. Pepper has her arms aroung me and I'm sobbing into her shoulder. I don't know why I'm crying, but I can't keep it in any longer. The tears come freely for once and I don't bother to try and stop them.

"Shhhh," Pepper attempts to soothe me, but it doesn't do much good. I shake my head into her shoulder. I feel like a small child, crying into her mother's shoulder. I don't know why because I've never had a mother. It occurs to me, that in a few short years, I could be comforting my own child from whatever demons plague them. Not only does this thought shock me, it also scares me. This shouldn't scare me, I should be proud to one day be called a mother, I should be excited. Instead, I sob harder into Pepper's shoulder.

The door to the roof opens and I turn around slightly to see a sleepy Maria and Jane coming through. Before I can really stop myself, I throw my arms around Maria and cry into her shoulder. We're becoming closer and with her moving into the tower, I think it might help me. She's one of the only ones who knows about the baby besides Pepper and probably Jane now, and I'm glad I told her.

"What's going on?" Maria whispers in my ear. I just burry my head further into her shoulder. I can't believe this is what I've been reduced to, crying. If I was told this is how I would be spending my night even just a month ago, I probably would have laughed in their face. Now, it seems like the only thing I can do.

"Are you okay?" Maria asks. I just shrug my shoulders as I retract myself from her arms. I sit down cross-legged on the ground of the roof.

Jane comes by and kneels in front of me. She gently wraps a blanket around my shoulders. At first, I didn't like Jane. She seemed pretty useless and she seemed to be living in a textbook. She quickly changed my mind when she came into the gym and asked if I could teach her how to fight. I laughed, but when she assurred me that she was being serious, I did indeed teach her. Later on, I found out that she approached Clint and asked how she could get me to like her or at least tollerate her and that was what he suggested, but it was too late for me to dislike her. Most of the time, she's somewhere else studdying, but when she's here, I don't mind.

"What's going on, Natasha?" she whispers. "What happened?"

She's so gentle and caring, which is a big contrast to Maria and even Pepper. Maria is cold and it's sometimes hard to talk to her, but she can be understanding. Pepper can be carring, but she also doesn't take any bullshit. The four of us are so different, sometimes I wonder how we're friends.

"I'm pregnant," I tell her because she's the only one who doesn't know.

For a minute, Jane just stares at me blankly. Then, she reaches out and wraps an arm around my shoulders. "Nat, that's great," she says gently. "Why are you so upset?"

I look around at my friends. Jane is mirroring my position across from me, Maria is lazily layed out on my left and Pepper is tentatively kneeling on my right. "I talked to Clint." I whisper.

"Did you tell him?" Maria asks.

I shake my head. "He mentioned that we talked about adopting a while ago. He said that he doesn't want a baby." Before I can stop myself, I'm crying again.

I hear Maria curse next to me, but I ignore her. Jane leans forward and wraps her arms around me, allowing me to cry into her shoulder. I can feel Pepper reach out and touch my shoulder in a conforting way. I relax slightly, but I can't stop the tears.

"I don't know what I'm going to do if he doesn't want a baby," I retract myself from my friends arms. "He's the first person who's ever accepted me for who I am. He's the only person I've ever been able to love and not had to kill. I can't fucking lose him."

"You're not going to lose him," Jane says, trying to sound reassuring but I can hear the doubt creeping into her voice.

"She's right," Pepper says, she at least sounds confident. "Clint is very loyal. He's not going to leave you because of this. He loves you more than anything, I mean, it doesn't take a genius to know that you two care about each other."

"I don't know," I say looking down, "I don't even know if I can do this. I can't be a mom and if Clint isn't around, I don't even stand a chance."

"Okay, you are the fucking Black Widow," Maria says, taking ahold of my shoulders. "You survived the Red Room. You went to Budapest and did God knows what there." I smile slightly thinking of Budapest. "You saved the world from an army of aliens. You can do anything."

"I can't cook to save my life," I inform her bluntly.

"That's not the point," she snaps. "Clint almost lost his job when he brought you into SHIELD. He knew the consequences, but he still did it. You brought him back when he was depressed about Loki taking him over. He married you because he loves you. What I'm trying to say is, if he leaves you because of a baby, he is the biggest asshole on this planet."

I smile slightly at her words. I am the Black Widow. I need to pick myself up, go shoot something or go destroy a punching bag. I need to get my head in the game. I'll treat this like a mission, but first I need a strategy. I've got my backup I just need to figure out how to deal with this.

"I'm gonna tell him on his birthday," I decide.

"You should get some sleep," Pepper says.

"I will," I reassure her, "but first I'm going to the shooting range."

I get up and leave. As I'm walking away I hear Jane ask, "Should she be shooting a gun while pregnant?"

"Let it go this time," Maria says. "She needs to blow off some steam. We can deal with it later."