A Mother's Bond

56

Sarayah October 29, 2016
I was floating in a sea of nothingness. I saw nothing, felt nothing, knew nothing. I just was. A floating nothing in a void of nothing. Then suddenly...something.

"Rayah!"

A little voice. An annoying voice. Infiltrating my peace. I floated away from it, retreating into the void.

"Rayah! Wake up!"

There it was again. That irritatingly familiar voice. It was pulling me back. I resisted, trying to get away, but it had a hold on me. It was dragging me closer. To what?

"Rayah!"

A spark lit up in my mind. Blue?

"...You said you wouldn't leave."

My eyes shot open. The lights were blinding. I blinked a few times, confused. Where the hell was I? My mind registered someone cradling my head. I looked to the left. Blue's head was buried in the crook of my neck. I tried to ask her what was wrong and realized there was something sitting in my throat. I lowered my eyes. A tube. A tube?! A tube was in my throat, coming out my mouth! I immediately tried to reach up to pull it out, but my arms weren't working properly. I'd only managed to swipe at the plastic before two much stronger hands clamped down over mine, stopping me.

I looked up to see my grandma hovering over me with tears in her eyes and a huge smile on her face. Jay quickly replaced her, grinning down at me. He was crying too. Now I was even more confused. What was going on?

Suddenly a man was above me, saying things. I shrank away from him. My hands went back to the thing choking me, but the man stopped me again, forcefully placing my hands at my sides. I struggled against him harder then ever, panicking.

The man looked confused. Jay walked over to him, and they exchanged words. The man looked back at me and nodded, leaving the room. He was soon replaced by a woman. She smiled at me, and gently placed her hand over mine, speaking.

I couldn't really distinguish what she was saying. You know that feeling you get when you wake up from one of those unplanned three-hour naps, and you have no idea what day it is? I felt that times ten. I pointed at my tube, wanting her to take it out. She nodded and started speaking again. I tried to focus on her words. It sounded like she was speaking to me from the other end of a long tunnel.

"Hello, Sarayah. My name is Dr. Hanna. You are in the hospital. The tube you are pointing at is helping you breathe. Do you understand me? Nod if you do."

I blinked. No, I didn't understand her. My head felt like it was filled with cotton. I couldn't seem to follow a single stream of thought to completion. But through the haze of confusion, the one thing I knew was I wanted the damn thing out of me, and she seemed like she was going to take it out. So, I nodded at her, waiting for her to continue.

"I will take it out for you. First, I'm going to suction down the tube to remove any secretions that might make it hard for you to breathe after the tube is out. Then I'm going to suction your mouth to clear any secretions there. Then I'm going to remove the cuff–it's like an air balloon–from your trachea then take out the tube, okay?"

I blinked up at her, frowning. My thoughts were getting clearer as my panic receded. And now that I could somewhat understand her, I could tell that none of what she'd said sounded okay. I nodded anyway. Anything to get the damn thing out.

She smiled and straightened up. "Okay, let's get started then."

As expected, it sucked. No pun intended. Okay, maybe it was a little intended. Anyway, the suctioning was extremely uncomfortable, especially with everyone staring at me like I was some kind of exotic zoo animal. Like dang, blink or something. When it finally came time to take the tube out, I was so relieved. I couldn't wait to tell them to stop staring at me.