A Mother's Bond

41

Beyoncé  October 1, 2016
I wandered the halls of the house aimlessly. I couldn't call it a home anymore. I was a stranger within its walls. The wisp of a person, haunting the memory of happier times. Everyone was there: my mama, Kelly, Solange, Michelle. They had all come to support me. There were so many people around me, yet I'd never felt so alone. I gazed at the wall filled with pictures, memories. I reached out, lightly tracing the pictures with my fingertips. I paused, looking at a recent addition to our collection of photos.

It was a picture of Sarayah and Blue in Houston the day before we left. It was a candid photo I had taken in a spur of the moment. Sarayah had been sitting in the grass in the backyard watching Julez try to do a handstand, when Blue decided to jump on her back. I'd quickly snapped a picture of them. They looked so carefree, laughing within the safety of their fragile bubble of happiness.

My thoughts were interrupted by sounds of movement. I frowned, listening. It was coming from the roof. I quietly walked back to my room and grabbed the metal baseball bat from its spot behind the door. Kelly, Michelle, and Solange were sprawled out on my bed, peacefully sleeping.

I walked over to Solo and roughly shook her shoulder. She quickly sat up, looking at me worriedly.

"What's wrong?" She whispered, none too quietly, eyes taking in the baseball bat in my right hand.

I put my finger to my lips, and she raised her eyebrow. I walked over to Kelly and Michelle and shook them awake. When they were all up, I pointed towards the door then motioned for them to follow me. I could see their skepticism, but I ignored them. I wasn't about to waste any more time.

I crept down the hall, and they followed, as I knew they would. I heard a small thud. I frowned. It came from Blue's room. Either someone was closing the window after coming in or after leaving. Either way, someone had broken into my house.

I looked behind me. Kelly, Solange and Michelle had formed a little train by clinging to the back of each other's shirts. It didn't look like they were going to be any help.

Solo stared at me wide-eyed. "Bey, I think we should just call the cops. We don't know who's in there. They could have a gun."

"I'm not waiting for the police. They haven't done anything for me. You guys can stay out here and wait if you want, but I'm handling this my damn self."

I turned around and took a deep breath. I adjusted my grip on the bat and burst into the room, shouting incoherently. I swung the bat around wildly, letting my rage flow out of me with each swing. Solange, Michelle and Kelly stood at the door, cheering me on.

"Mommy?" A small voice quavered.

I froze. I knew that voice. I lowered the bat, turning in the direction of the tiny voice. Blue was backed up against the wall, watching me uncertainly. I took a deep shuddering breath, dropping the bat. I rushed towards her, afraid this was just another cruel trick. Sure that once I reached her, she would disappear. But she didn't.

I dropped to my knees and pulled Blue to my chest, sobbing, still not quite believing she was there. She smelled like dirty laundry and piss. I pulled away from her slightly, holding her face in my hands. I inspected her. She was wearing a sweater that was several times too big for her. Her hair was a mess, and her eyes were swollen. I traced the dried streaks on her face. She'd been crying. I clenched my jaw.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt?" I asked, still scanning her for any injuries.

Blue shook her head, her lip still quivering. I rubbed my hands up and down her arms, needing to feel that she was really in front of me. I looked into her eyes.