A Mother's Bond

53

Beyoncé  October 9, 2016
I sat in a chair, staring at Jay across the hospital room. It was almost completely silent. The only sound, his angry breathing. He hadn't spoken to me. He hadn't even looked at me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered. He didn't respond. "Jay. Please say something."

Jay ground his teeth together, clenching his fist. "You want me to say something? Okay. I'll say something. You've wanted Sarayah gone from the moment she came back. You pushed and you pushed AND YOU FUCKING PUSHED. AND NOW WE'RE HERE. YOU FUCKING KILLED HER. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?"

I flinched but didn't say anything. What could I say?

Jay buried his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking. I wanted to go to him. Comfort him, but I knew he didn't want me anywhere near him. I couldn't blame him. I didn't want to be anywhere near me either.

There was a knock at the door. I looked at it tiredly. Jay turned away from me, making no move to get up. I got up and opened the door. It was Solange. Her eyes were red and puffy. She was wearing clothes covered in paint stains.

"I'm sorry," I whispered to her.

Solo grit her teeth, a fresh wave of tears flowing down her cheeks. I sobbed, and she pulled me into a tight hug. I collapsed, sobbing harder.

"I–I–I'm sor–sorry."

Solange held me close to her. "You have nothing to be sorry for," she murmured into my hair.

Of course I did. She just didn't know that, and I needed her to not know. So, I didn't contradict her. We stayed that way until there was another knock at the door. Solo looked at me for permission. I nodded, and she stood up, opening the door. A doctor walked in, the same doctor who had taken Sarayah into surgery. I think his name was Dr. Reeves.

He closed the door behind him. "She's out of surgery. It was touch and go for a while, but she's relatively stable for now. However–"

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. I leaned forward, resting my head on my knees.

Solo rubbed my back. "She's alive. She's going to be all right."

Dr. Reeves cleared his throat. "Well, we're not sure if she'll make a full recovery. We were able to bring her back, but she still isn't breathing on her own."

I covered my face with my hands, shaking my head as tears fell. Solo kept rubbing my back.

"She had a lot of toxins in her system." Dr. Reeves continued. "We're working on removing them, but she's lucky to be alive. We won't be able to assess the severity of their effects until she wakes up. First thing's first though, she needs to start breathing on her own."

Jay was standing up now. "And when will that be?"

"That's up to Sarayah. We've done all we can for her. It's out of our hands now, but we're all hoping she can pull through."

"Hoping?" I asked, barely above a whisper.

Dr. Reeves nodded. "Yes. Hoping. With cases like this where the patient's brain has been lacking oxygen for a significant amount of time, it's hard to tell if they will be able to recover. I want to be frank with you because I don't want to give you false hope. But I will say this: she's a fighter. Don't give up on her."

I looked down, guiltily. That's exactly what I had done.

"When can we see her?" Jay asked.

"Well, they're setting her up for post-anesthesia care. You should be able to visit her within an hour. I'll have someone come up here to get you when she's ready."