A Mother's Bond

49

Beyoncé  October 7, 2016
I sat on the second last step, watching Solange stall. She'd been set to leave yesterday morning, but when she woke up, she decided she wanted one last day with her nieces. So, she moved her flight to the following night. But from the way she was moving, she clearly wanted to miss this flight too.

Solo finished sifting through her clothes for the millionth time today and zipped up her suitcase, standing it upright. Sarayah watched her solemnly, her face impassive. Blue clung to Sarayah's leg as if afraid she would leave her too. Solo looked up at the two of them, murmuring words too softly for me to hear from my perch on the stairs. Sarayah nodded a few times, her head down. Solo reached up to cup Sarayah and Blue's faces. I looked away. After a minute, Solo stood up and clapped her hands together.

Jay walked in from the living room, a bag of chips in his hand. He leaned against the wall, taking in the scene.

"You got everything?" He asked, casually popping another chip in his mouth.

"Yeah, I think I do," Solo answered, patting the top of her suitcase.

"You think?" I asked, sarcasm dripping from my tone. "You sure you don't want to check it 17 more times?"

Solo glanced over at me, a considering look on her face. She walked over, and I stood up. She surprised me by pulling me into a tight hug, holding on for a long time. When she let go, she caught my eye, her gaze serious.

"Don't hurt her, Bey," Solo pled. "Please."

I sighed, hearing footsteps on the stairs behind me. "I'll try not to," I mumbled, sincerity creeping into my voice.

Mama appeared beside me, patting my shoulder. "Don't worry, I'll be here to help."

Solo smiled gratefully before pulling Mama into a hug. Mama patted her back reassuringly.

"I'm doing the right thing, aren't I?" Solo asked, speaking into her shoulder.

"You're doing the right thing," Mama told her, kissing the top of her head. When Solo pulled away, she glanced back at Sarayah then at Mama.

"You'll take care of her?" Solo asked, her voice urgent.

Mama nodded, patiently. "Yes, Solo. You don't need to worry."

Solo nodded. "Okay, and you'll call?"

Mama nodded again. "Every day."

"Okay." Solo looked back at Sarayah again. "She sometimes has nightmares, so, I–I sing to her. I sing to her, and it helps. Or I think it does. I don't know."

I folded my arms across my chest, feeling uncomfortable. Jay watched me from across the room, an eyebrow raised in a silent question. I ignored him.

Mama put her hand on Solo's cheek. "I'm sure it does. I'll sing to her. I promise."

Solo wrapped her arms around herself, a worried look on her face. Mama sighed. "You're never going to feel ready, Solo. You just have to let go and hope it'll be alright."

Solo took a deep breath and turned around, a strained smile on her face. First, she scooped Blue into her arms, peppering her face with loud kisses. Blue squirmed in her arms, trying in vain to get away. When Solo was finished, she put Blue down, turning towards Sarayah. Sarayah was still looking down at Solo's suitcase, holding onto the handle. Without a word, Solo pulled her into a hug, rocking her side to side. It took a second, but soon Sarayah's arms were wrapped securely around Solo, clutching onto her if she were a life preserver in a stormy sea.

My heart squeezed painfully in my chest. I felt a hand on my arm, but I yanked myself away, turning around to run up the stairs to my room. I closed the behind me and stood in the middle of the room taking deep breaths. I put my hands on my head, trying to open up my airways as much as I could.