Circles | K.J

XVI

"Hey mom" I said when I found her in the kitchen

"Hello my darling girl" she said and hugged me tightly against her, and I could feel my baby brother or sister kicking

"Can I speak to you?"

"No Kendall today?" She asked hopefully

"No. That's what I want to talk to you about"

"Ah, ok" she smiled and we sat down in the dining room opposite one another at the long wooden table

"So you know how me and Kendall were fighting last week?"

"I do" she nodded

"When we were on a break, she decided to go home with another girl-"

"Who?"

"Ashley"

"They're both bitches for that!" She gasped

"I know. So that was about a month and a half ago now. I only found out that morning that we were fighting that they'd even had a conversation, neither of them mention to me that they'd slept together and so of course I was mad, so I came home and cried with Kylie"

"Of course it is ok to come home during school if you are upset, don't worry mija" she reassured with a soft smile

"Thanks mom. Anyway, I was super angry and sad and Kendall came around and tried to apologise to me, but I wasn't having it and so we didn't talk for a few days, and then last night Kendall came home late and me and Kylie had drunk a little-"

"Also that is fine my honey, as long as you are safe that is all that matters" she interrupted me. She'd always done it, but when I was trying to tell a story it wasn't the most useful thing she could do

"Ok. Thanks. We'd had a little to drink and so had Kendall somewhere else, and she was all like 'I love you and I'd never do anything to hurt you' but I didn't speak to her because I knew I'd be more agreeable when I was tipsy, so I told her we could speak in the morning and so we did, and I broke up with her"

"That's so sad my darling" she said and touched my hand "maybe it is for the best. Maybe you need to be without her to grow as a person, because since you got together I feel like I've been losing you. You're not 100% you anymore, I don't know why you got nipple piercings or anything, but that was very odd"

"How do you know I got my nipples pierced?"

"I saw them through a bra when I walked in on you and Kendall when you were making out one time and I knew that even the hottest person in the world couldn't make them that hard" she laughed and I smiled a little at her comment "but I hope I can get my daughter back after her. You changed"

"Shoot" I said and ran upstairs. I realised that I'd let Kendall take over a part of me, and I wanted it back and I wondered how I could take it back. She'd taken my virginity. Maybe fucking someone else would do it.

I shut that idea down right away, I had to respect myself enough to only let someone I loved in, and I didn't love anyone but Kendall right now, so I didn't even give it another thought. I took my nipple rings out and threw them in the trash, I'd only gotten those to impress her too. I put her hoodies and the lingerie I'd bought to look nice for her in a box in the back of my closet, and finally I went into my mom's room and got the cigarettes she'd bought me from her 'secret' hiding place that I'd always known was under her sink since I was nine, but I couldn't bring myself to throw them out so I hid them under some socks in my dresser.

After all that, nothing had changed. I needed it to change, we'd both done toxic things in our relationship but we still loved each other. I wanted to make it work, but like my mom had said, I'd changed and I wanted to be myself, not someone else anymore for Kendall to like me. I wanted to stop caring about her, but little did I know that was going to take a longer time than I even thought possible.

The next weekend I was at Kylie's, and Kendall was hanging out in the kitchen "hey" she sighed loudly when me and Kylie came in

"Hey" I said back and she nodded. We got our juice and left, and I realised that was exactly how she'd react before we got together. Maybe everything was going back to normal sooner than I'd hoped. I thought that maybe she'd care a little more that we'd broken up, but if she was over it already, I guess I was happy for her.

Later that day when I got home, I realised how much I missed her. I put one of her hoodies on and breathed in the musky scent, and I lit up one of her cigarettes and smoked it out of the window.

Why didn't she care? Was she pretending to be unbothered? Or worst of all, did she never care that much in the first place?