A Girl Like Her

Chapter 14.

"Turn your wounds into wisdom"~ Oprah Winfrey

Song: Broken by Isak Danielson
NOT EDITED

If someone had told me a few months ago, I would be sitting on the floor of a bathroom stall with the school's social butterfly crying on my shoulders, I would give them the craziest look. As I sat here still, with Kate breathing silently, tears still falling from the once happiest eyes I'd ever seen, I felt my heart tug a little in my chest. Once again, I was reminded that damned thing still worked after all these years. Not only that, but I was also reminded that I was not as heartless and tough as I so tried to be.

It was still hard to believe this girl was damaged. It was hard to believe her stomach was once the size of a watermelon with a tiny human growing inside. It was hard to believe it took her so long to finally crack.

The reality of her situation only made me think about what could have been my reality. What if I had gotten pregnant? What would I have done? Go through with the pregnancy and give birth to a fatherless child? Get an abortion? Give my baby up to a couple I didn't even know? Allow my baby to be put into a system where their name would be forgotten and their life would be a series of new faces and possible evil lurking in each new home? What on earth would I have done in her shoes?

I laid my head back against the wall, the stone-like quality making the back of my head hurt more. But I couldn't bring myself to care.

"Layla," Kate whispered after some time. At that moment, it occurred to me that maybe staying in the bathroom wasn't the best of ideas. Anyone could have walked in by now and seen our legs or heard her sniffling.

"Yes, Kate," I whispered back instead, adjusting myself to get more comfortable. Though it was not easy. I wouldn't recommend picking a bathroom stall to pour out your heart, but I suppose whatever works, works.

"You won't... tell anyone will you?" Hesitation laced with bits of worry made her voice crack.

I shook my head before answering. "Of course not, Kate." An audible sigh of relief escaped her lips just as another thought struck me.

"Was he ever caught?" I spoke my thoughts before I really realized what I was asking. I knew she said he never tried to contact her after that, but rape is rape. It's still a crime. If her parents were such goddamn good lawyers, why did they never bring their daughter the justice she deserves?

"No," once again, I was struck by how weak her voice sounded. It was so far from the normal bubbly tone she usually held. "After they found out I was pregnant, they didn't believe me when I told them what.. happened. They didn't care really. We stayed until I had the baby and then we moved here. I've never heard from him or spoken to him since. It's weird too. He still affects my life in ways I can't believe. See, it's not really Death that I fear, no. It's what could've been, that I fear. The not knowing. It's like, when you're born you think you have your entire life ahead of you. Who would have thought a few simple choices would lead you to where you are now. What if I hadn't gone out with him that night? What if I just became this perfect little girl my parents wanted me to be from the beginning? Life could have been so much simpler if, maybe I just listened." She trailed off, an obvious notion of regret rang through her words.

I couldn't say I fully understood her, as Kate normally spoke in riddles I sometimes couldn't understand. But I did understand what she was getting at. I understood the true fear that was constantly holding her back in life: regret.

Kate feared regret constantly. After having to give her baby up, what else did she do in life that she regretted? What will she regret later on in life? What were the right steps to take that she wouldn't regret in the long run?