A Girl Like Her

Chapter 25.

"Don't stare into my eyes too long baby, the pain I hold in there might break you too" ~ B. Vigil

Song: Pray by Jessie Murph

NOT EDITED

Less than an hour after we were seated, I was scarfing down a greasy, well-cooked cheeseburger along with a portion of heavily cajun-seasoned fries. But I didn't even care. My stomach was so hungry for food, I barely felt like I was really tasting anything, almost swallowing mouthfuls whole. I was well aware of Zander's eyes on me, whether it was in judgment or amusement, I didn't dare look up to see. The events of not only today but the last couple of days were beginning to take their toll on me. I haven't been properly taking care of myself lately and I knew that it was a matter of time before it started to take a serious effect on me. It was a matter of time before I began to crash and burn and I wasn't looking forward to the recovery time from the fall.

"Slow down, Lala. That cheeseburger isn't going anywhere." I finally looked up at Zander's honey eyes. The twinkle of amusement making a sheepish smile overtake my face. I immediately chewed a little slower, suddenly self conscious of the way I was eating in front of him. Why the hell did I care about what I looked like eating in front of him? I inwardly scowled at my thoughts, refusing to believe just because I was in Zander's presence meant he had any effect on how I acted.

But who the hell was I kidding? If this kid didn't stop now, I was afraid he would be the one to break apart the walls I had built so solidly around me. He was already taking it apart piece by piece. Brick by brick. He was creating an opening in my own barrier and I wasn't sure how it made me feel.

"Sorry," I mumbled softly after carefully swallowing what was left of the food in my mouth. "I guess I'm a little hungry."

Zander shook his head, taking a fry and popping it in his mouth. "I know Lala, I was only joking. If you want, I can get you another burger," he offered, and even though my stomach hesitated at his offer, I was already shaking my head.

"No, it's okay. It's just been a long couple of days. Eating hasn't really been on my mind honestly." I shrugged, now picking at the fries on my plate. My appetite was suddenly gone as the reality of my situation came slamming back into me. I gulped back the bile that wanted to rise in my throat, my stomach churning at the idea of seeing the men from my nightmares come back to haunt my reality.

"Yeah, no I understand that," Zander's calm voice pulled me from the spiraling mess of emotions inside me. Except, he didn't really understand. He couldn't really understand. My head felt like a tidal wave of fear and anxiety whisking me off under its dark waters. I didn't want to be in the dark, cold abyss though. I just wanted it to be over. I wanted them to be gone so I could begin to swim above the waters and start to heal properly. I wanted to go back to yesterday morning when I was blissfully unaware that there was even a remote chance I'd see them again.

But I needed a game plan. I needed to strategize my movements carefully, especially in case I ran into one of them. I didn't know if they were all here or maybe Shane only sent one of them. I needed to be prepared for anything. For today, I would enjoy it. I'll take today as a small win for myself and then start planning. Of course that's hoping they don't make a move yet. I wasn't sure I was ready to take all of them on- let alone one.

"Hey, earth to Lala," Zander brought me back to reality again. I blinked slowly out of my daze, glancing up at him from under my lashes, across the table to find him staring at me intently. A ghost of a smile touched his lips, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. He looked as though he was studying me, trying so hard to figure out some sort of equation- me. But he would never succeed in coming to a right answer because I couldn't even figure myself out.