A Girl Like Her

Chapter 10:

Song: Let Me Down Slowly by Alec Benjamin 

"What if I fall?

Oh, but darling, what if you fly?" ~ Erin Hanson

NOT EDITED

Any other Saturday morning I would be up before the sun rose. The hot coffee would already be brewed with the addicting aroma wafting through the air to tease and tempt my taste buds. I would've already gone out for my smoke and be cooped up in my room working on homework or studying.

The house would be eerily silent. My Father having already left before I even woke and my mother leaving just after I finished my smoke.

Any other day would start out just like that. The normal routine I've become accustomed too since we've moved here.

But today, today was not just like any other Saturday. I woke up to the sun rays gliding through my curtains, momentarily blinding me with the intensity of the brightness. The house was silent but my mind was a screaming mess. I did not have to look in the mirror to know how dead and tired I looked. It's how I felt, so I must look the same too.

My fists ached, causing my eyes to glance down at the tender skin. My knuckles were bruised and dried blood stuck to my skin. They looked bad. Really bad. Upon closer inspection, I realized even my thumb was sprouting a bruise and the dark purplish tint almost made me cringe. It was a miracle I didn't break my thumb after last night.

Memories flashed before me. The bruises and blood on my own hands reminded me of the ones on Zander. His were clearly visible but after yesterday, it was quite obvious his bruises delved deeper than the surface of his flesh. There was more to Zander Collins than just cocky smirks and smooth talk. Underneath his good looks and confident attitude was a boy hiding from the world. His true self.

Funny, Zander mentioned he was scared of dark no longer, yet it seems he lives his life in darkness- sheltered from others, from himself. Zander was not himself yesterday. I learned that much. He is different. He is vulnerable, yet somehow more aware. Maybe that's why I feel drawn to him in a way. We're both two broken souls searching for what little purity is left of humanity. Trying to find ourselves again. But society is funny, that way. It's so easy to lose yourself in corruption. But it's a lot more difficult to find yourself after you've been lost for so long.

I could've laughed at myself right then and there. Here I was, my thoughts darker than ever before while thinking of my next-door-neighbor. If my fifteen-year-old self could see me now, I'm sure I would be cringing and screaming at how absolutely pathetic I looked.

You really are pathetic, Layla.

A small sigh escapes my lips, and I begrudgingly got up out bed, leaving the warmth my covers had to offer and the inviting comfort that was my soft, plush mattress. Last night was hell. Sleep did not catch up with me until hours after I got back inside from the shed. My body felt stiff and sore, not used to the muscles being used to such an extent. Even now, I felt the ache in my shoulders. My feet padded through the plush carpet of my floor. I passed the bathroom, my eyes flat-out avoiding the mirror on the wall. I did not want to see my reflection. I didn't want to see the state I was in. I loathed how far I let myself go.

My stomach rumbled loudly, but yet, the thought of food didn't seem all that appealing. Coffee. I needed coffee. And cigarettes.

I reminded myself I needed to stop at the gas station today. I was running too low and I only hoped Antonio was working today. He was in charge of the store and he was the one I made the deal with. He didn't approve. Not at all. But he told me he'd rather me buy them there than anywhere else. We developed a sort of bond over that time I suppose. I trusted him to an extent.