A Girl Like Her

Chapter 4:

Song: Demons by Imagine Dragons 

"Maybe that's it. We eventually go numb; because you can't break a heart that's already broken." ~Unknown

NOT EDITED 

The fire is crackling softly, the heat warming my cheeks. I haven't really spoken much during the time I've been here. Surprisingly, the need to smoke another cigarette hasn't arisen since my last one a few hours. Maybe it was because I was afraid of talking to a certain boy again, but that didn't matter. Not really.

Kate didn't try to strike up a conversation again after I snapped at her. And I was alright with that. Truthfully, my mind was at ease at this moment. With no one trying to talk to me, I didn't need to fake a smile or come up with a reply to anyone. I could sit in my chair, sipping on my water, while listening to the fire sputtered and spat, growing in its flames. I was chewing on a piece of mint gum, contemplating over the night. It was just past midnight, and nothing happened.

My nerves were still on high alert; anticipating a move at every waking moment. I don't know why, but something told me I wasn't going to be sleeping tonight. Something told me I would be sitting in bed with my eyes wide open. A part of me couldn't believe I was outside my room on a Saturday night, to begin with. I suspected them to hit harder at this moment than ever. I expected the flashbacks to come in waves. One reeling nightmare after the other. But in fact, none came at unexpected moments.

Maybe I could start to live again.

Maybe this night would be the first of many nights in which I could forget. In which I could take back control of my life. It's been two years since that night. I was fifteen when that happened. Maybe- maybe I was finally getting past it. I don't think I'll learn to trust boys in the same manner again- but tonight was a start. A start to a new me.

Not the old me.

Not the me that was a result of that night.

But a me that could forget about what happened to me. A me that could live life for what it is and not have to constantly look over my shoulder. I was in a new state for crying out loud! Those men couldn't hurt me anymore. But it's not to say I could still be hurt by other men. But maybe it was a one-time thing.

After all, what are the chances something like that happens to a girl a second time?

I could exercise caution, still. Hell, I could even learn self-defense just to be on the safer side. Maybe this was the push I needed all along.

I spared a glance next to me, a soft smile curling at my lips when I looked at Kate. She was talking animatedly to a girl next to her, her hands flailing out all around her with a twinkle in her eyes. Again, I couldn't help but admire Kate.

Maybe this wasn't that bad of a night after all.

* * *

For the rest of my time there, I sat in the same chair while listening to everyone else talk. Few people tried to strike up a conversation with me, but after my first few short responses they got the hint and moved on. It didn't bother me at all.

I cherished the silence that consumed me.

Across from me, I spotted Zander smiling as he was talking to the few girls who were around him. All of them had a hand on his arm, flirtatious smiles on their faces while flipping their hair every so often. I noticed the look of seduction in all of their faces.

After all, I used to be one of those girls.

Zander's smile wasn't really a flirtatious one, though. In fact, I don't even really think Zander ever truly smiled. That was sad, considering I've known of him for not even twenty-four hours. Something told me he wasn't a man of many words. But when he spoke, it was usually important. Or maybe I was just overanalyzing him. I've always been bad at reading people, anyways.