your eyes ~ RUEL FAN FIC ~

Alira's POV

We walk into the hospital foyer and my mind is buzzing. I feel suddenly tired and dirty. My uniform is crumpled and hangs loosely. 

Ruel goes ahead of me to the receptionist.

"What Room is, ummm..."

"Genevieve Atherton." I say.

The receptionist looks down at her computer then puts her glasses up onto her head and looks at us both solemnly. She bites her lip.

"I'm not sure if you want to see Gigi." She murmurs.

"She's my mum!" I yell. The other receptionists give me a stern look.

"She's been moved to ICU, I don't know how long she-"

I run off down a hall labeled 'INTENSIVE CARE UNIT' and hear ruel shout a hurried thank you at the receptionist before running after me.

We get to a set of doors and I press against them but they don't budge. I peer through a column of glass set in the door and see a long white hall lined with doors and a heap of doctors running around.

I scream at the door. None of the doctors notice me.

Suddenly I fall forwards as the doors swing open. Not bothering to look what happened I run, peering in open doors. I reach the end of the hall in a panic. Where is she!?

"Miss Atherton?" Comes a voice. 

I turn and a young nurse is striding towards me, eyes wide. 

"You look just like your mother showed me in her pictures."

"What?! Who are you!? Where is mum!?"

"Calm down, please be quiet. Who is he?"

She signals to Ruel who is standing awkwardly with his hands in his pocket.

"He's... a friend." 

"Oh. Ok. Well I don't think we should go in now." Her voice squeaks uncertainly and I watch her edge to the left to cover the doctors who are running around yelling at each other.

"No, I have to. She's my mum and I thought she was dead for... for years. Please, please, just let me see her."

"You're aware she has a-"

"Brain tumour? Yes."

The nurse takes a deep breath and leads us through the crowd right to the centre of all the doctors. We get filtered into a door and I see the corner of the bed. I close my eyes and tell myself it's a dream. When I open the, someone moves and I see her.

I cover my mouth with my hands shakily.

Her eyes are closed and mouth gaping. The most noticeable thing is she is bald and has a massive blood surrounded scar down the Side of her head. From my angle she looks hollow, like a bag of bones. I question whether this is really my mother. 

A doctor who is hurrying past halts and says "She's just waking up from the anaesthetic, you might want to sit down..."

I fight my way over to the chaIr beside her bed and sit down. Ruel stands next to me and respectfully tries not to look at her.

"Why did no one tell me she was having surgery today?" I hiss at him.

"I didn't know."

"Oh, gee, you couldn't even check?!"

"Sorry!"

I feel like I'm not reacting right to this situation. It should be an emotional reunion with tears and laughter and joy. Not waiting, waiting, next to your dying mothers bed with some guy you half know. But I've learnt life isn't always as it should be.

Time seems to speed up. As minutes go by, the many doctors leave the room and the panic calms down. Someone comes to check her oxygen mask, takes a few notes on a clipboard and then leaves. The room is empty.

"Ruel." I say, before I can think about how I feel. "I want to leave. I don't want to be here."

He doesn't question it but takes my hand and we calmly leave.

I don't notice where he's leading me until we arrive back at the car. My memory of the last hour is scattered and confused.

I vomit all over the footpath and crouch on the ground with my head in my hands. Nausea and panic is creeping up on me.

My muscles don't seem to work so he lifts me into the car and we drive in silence.

By the time we get home I hardly remember the feeling of seeing my mum for the first time in so long, or how it felt to be told she was alive. It feels like a nightmare, but the shiver all over my body is too real to be imagined.

I try to remind myself who I am and what life is.

My name is Alira. I live in Sydney. Do I live in Sydney? I go to a school. I think. I have a mum. And a dad. And a little brother. I'm parked in the driveway of my house with my boyfriend. He's not my boyfriend though. But he's in the car. I want to lie here forever...

I must drift off because when I open my eyes it's evening and I'm lying in my bed. The window is open and a cool breeze drifts in lazily. I feel like shit.

I sit up and my head spins. Blinking, I see Ruel sitting on a chair across the room looking down at his phone. 

He sees me awake and puts it in his pocket. 

"You woke up." He murmurs. "I thought you'd sleep forever." 

The darker side to this sentence doesn't penetrate my foggy brain.

"I woke up but I didn't want to. Why did that happen?"

When I say it I know it's a question normal people don't ask. I don't consider myself part of that group anymore.

He walks over and sits only Bed with his arm around me. I lean into his chest and my eyes droop.

"I want to go home." I whisper.

"You are already home."

"I want my mum."

"She's not here."

"Let me just leave, I just want to go."

He squeezes me so hard it hurts.

"Please, hold on, Alira..."

"To what? I feel like I'm on a roundabout with no handles... I feel-"

"It doesn't matter, hold on to reality, please..."

I look up at him and his eyes are closed, head resting on top of mine. I wish it was romantic.

"Get off me, please." It's the first time I've said something like this in a non aggressive way. He obeys and goes back to the chair.

I lie back down on the bed and pull the blankets over my head. The oxygen goes fast and soon I'm gasping for air. 

The last thing I see is a pair of green eyes before I black out again.