do you really love me? (suicidal deku x bakugo)

so close...

Deku POV

"dear! get dressed nice! the bakugo's are coming over for dinner!"
"okay mommy!"

i get changed from my casual outfit into a nice pair of skinny jeans and a nice shirt with a flannel.

i play on my phone for a bit until mommy calls me down saying they'll be here soon. i walk down and see mommy has everything set up. i walk over to the couch and wait for them to arrive.

a few minutes later, the doorbell is rung. mommy shoots up to get it. "mitsuki!!" she shouts excitedly.
"inko!!" they hug and are happy. kacchan comes to sit on the couch with me. he sits on it and plays on his phone as well.

mommy and mitsuki call me and kacchan over to the table. we sit on the floor and eat. (i think they eat on the floor, correct me if i'm wrong) mommy made katsudon and it tastes good, but i'll throw it up later. i don't deserve to eat.

mommy and mitsuki talk while i slowly eat. kacchan is focusing on his food. i silently excuse myself and put my dishes in the sink. i
go upstairs to my room and close my door.

i immediately go to the bathroom and puke up all the food i just consumed. i flush the toilet and go to my pants from earlier. i look in the pocket and grab out the razor. i cut and give every cut a reason.

1 - being worthless
2 - being fat
3 - wasting money
4 - being born
5 - being unwanted
6 - having being pitied upon
7 - unloved
8 - unloveable

before i can continue, i'm intruppted by a knock at my bedroom door. i quickly scramble and gather my things and say, "one second!" then i hastily put on an oversized hoodie and grab out papers and markers to make it look like i was coloring. "come in!"

my door is opened to reveal kacchan. "nerd, the hag and auntie inko want us to hang out." he sounds furious when he says that.
"o-okay! sounds like fun! what do you wanna do?"
"do you have an xbox or anything? a wii?"
"um, i have a switch?"
"ok. lets play on it."
"okay!" i say as i get up to go to the tv and put in the needed card. "so i have lege-"
"i don't care what we play, nerd."
"o-okay," i turn around from kacchan and focus once again on the cards. i put in Legend of Zelda and grab 2 pro controllers. i have kacchan as player 2 and we start playing.

we continue playing until i see kacchan out of the corner of my eye, looking my way with a worried glance. he pauses the game and looks to me. "deku..."
"yeah kacchan? what's wrong?"
"show me your arm..."
"w-why? that's a stupid thing to do, my arm is perfectly fine," d-did he see?"
"deku, show me your. god. damn. arm."
"k-kacchan seriously im fine."
"really? then why is there a spot of blood on your hoodie sleeve?"
"what?" i look down at my hoodie sleeve to see that kacchan's right. there's a little blood on my hoodie right over my cuts.
"o-oh, that?" 'think excuse, excuse!' "its red marker! i was coloring before you came in. see," i point to my desk. thank the lord i took out my markers.
"yeah, sure nerd."

we continue to play Legend of Zelda. that was wayyyyy to close, i have to be more careful.

he could have found out about my cuts.
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mommy and auntie mitsuki call us down to say our goodbyes and that they'll plan to have dinner again soon.

mommy and kacchan hug while i hug auntie mitsuki. mommy and auntie mitsuki hug while me and kacchan stand there awkwardly waiting.

auntie mitsuki and kacchan take their leave and mommy heads to bed. she's tired and soon she has to go to work. 'i should find a job to help out mommy...'

i go up to my room and i shut off my switch and clean up my desk. i go to the bathroom to clean up my cuts properly. i take out the first aid kit and pull up my sleeve.

no wonder it bled threw, blood is gushing out of my arm, i'm surprised i didn't pass out and that a ton didn't get on my sleeve. maybe my arm positioning? the world may never know.

i grab the bandages, rubbing alcohol, and a cotton swab. i take the cotton swab and the rubbing alcohol and apply one to the other. then i place pressure on my arm with the swab and damn, it burns like hell. once my cuts are clean, i run them under cool water to help scabs form quicker and to get out the extra rubbing alcohol. then i wrap up my cuts with a bandage and i clean up the bathroom.

i change into some comfy pajamas and head to bed.

'damn, today has been eventful...'
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i have had dinner with friends and family. i have thrown up my food a few times. i do cut. oversized hoodies are life. i have a switch and my friend has legend of zelda, along with her and another friend making 2 pro controllers. i have stood awkwardly while others hug. my mom is always extremely fatigued and tired, but it's only partial because of overworking, the other part is her disease. i have had to clean up my cuts, just only with water, not with the alcohol or anything. comfy pjs are life. i always look back on the day and give a rating before going to bed.

i'm gonna add a random meme or picture at the top :3

bye bye :)