do you really love me? (suicidal deku x bakugo)

exams...

authors note :)
hi so i wrote this in august 2019 (its june 2021) when i was 11 so its cringe. please forgive it. if you want new, betted stuff from 2021 (my 14 year old self) then look at my new account :) @waves_17 thank you and enjoy

Deku POV

i wake up from this nightmare i call sleep, i, of course had a nightmare within my slumber. i've had this one for years, the day daddy left...

mommy and daddy tucked me into my toddler bed and said their 'i love you's and 'goodnight's. if only i'd known... i would have disobeyed my parents and stayed up.

i go to bed. i sleep and dream about my favorite singer, he goes by all might.

i wake up the next morning and go downstairs to have the sight of my mommy sitting on the couch with her hands covering her face as she cowers into a ball on a couch cushion. i run up to her. she keeps crying.

i hear the tv playing the news, i look over to it. i read the writing on it. 緑やハザ種自殺によりし某主体 (a/n - i used google translate so correct me if i'm wrong (midoriya hazashi jisatsu ni yori shibō shita)) i can't believe it... when i see those characters my heart drops.

i go up to my mom and hug her and cry with her.

"midoriya hazashi was found dead due to suicide"

i will never forget that day. the day i woke up and he died of accidental suicide.

we found out later that he went out drinking, he's a responsible drinker. he had one to many drinks and accidentally jumped off a building... (a/n - rip uncle chris)

i slowly get out of bed dreading school. everyday at that hellhole is torture, but i guess it's necessary in order to get into UA, the school for singing. today is the day we take entrance exams, if your lucky 1/5 of people get accepted. singing isn't a good job so many don't like to think about pursuing it, but i've always sang.

i go to my bathroom and strip from my clothes. i step into the warm shower and just stand in it, taking in the warm and heat radiating off of it.

i grab my raspberry scented shampoo and apply some to my hands which i put in my hair. i wash it out and stay under the shower for a minute, i continue to take in the heat as well as wash out the shampoo. i take my strawberry scented conditioner and apply it into my ends. i wash my body with my rose scented body soap and once i finish with my body, i rinse off my body. i finish and rinse out the conditioner and i continue to stay under the water. it feels good, if i could, i would live in the water.

before i waste an extreme amount of water, i shut the faucet off and grab my towel and wrap it around my waist. i grab my hoodie and my jeans along with my favorite red shoes.

i grab my phone, earbuds, keys, papers, my guitar, and my wallet. along with my razor, just in case.

i head outside locking my house door. i don't eat breakfast, i don't deserve it. i walk down towards the school, it's about a 15 minute walk which is convenient if i get in, if not... it's embarrassing, saying that i tried to get in but i wasn't good enough. i'm not good at a lot of things, i'm a disappointment.

i block out these thoughts as i start to listen to music. welcome to my life by simple plan. 'i love this song...' i think as i have a slight smile on my face.