Growl || Reed900 ✔️

30

I looked down at the gravestone, my eyes following the lettering. It looked beautiful as ever, even if it was a bit dusty. There were a few flakes of snow collected on the top and sides.

"Hey, Danny," I say, trying to breathe through the tears that continued to fall. "It's been awhile, hasn't it?"

My hands are stuck inside of the pockets on my jacket. My fingertips are slightly numb but it didn't really bother me at the moment. The wind hit my neck, sending goosebumps throughout my body.

"I miss you a lot. Everyday. I know last time I came, I wasn't in the best mindset," I chuckle dryly, "I was screaming your name. Sobbing uncontrollably. Drunk. Depressed. Not okay."

I grimace at the past memories of myself. I was in horrible condition. I've never hated myself so much than I did that day. Those emotions were ones not created naturally, they were created with such self hate and things that were indescribable.

"I wanted to come see you today because something happened," I start, the lump in my throat starting to disappear. "I met an android named Conan. He's... he's really something. He's makes me smile. He makes me feel good."

I begin to cry again, feeling multiple emotions at the same time. Happiness, sadness, fear, and confusion. My hands come out of my pockets to wipe my tears.

"I love him so much, Dan, I really do. I'm so scared that I'll lose him. I've already lost you. It was so hard to even let him in my life after you, but I did it. And I know I need to let go of you. I know, but it's so hard. I'll never forget the times when you'd come home all happy and you would pick me up and swing me around. I'll never forget the smile you always had on your face, even when you were going through something so hard. I'll never forget your voice when you said you loved me. I could never forget you. You gave me some of the best memories in my entire life. I know you wouldn't have wanted me to mourn you for as long as I did, and I'm sorry for that."

I take a break of talking to let myself cry. Sobs rattled my body and I touched the stone, feeling chills in my fingertips.

"I'm so sorry when I was an asshole to you, when I would yell at you. When I would push you away. I'm so sorry for every bad thing I've done to you. From the bottom of my heart, I love you. I love you so much it hurts.

"When we would talk at night, you always said that you would want me to move on if something ever happened to you. I remember crying into your arms because I hated the thought of losing you, but you continued talking because you wanted me to know this, just in case. You always comforted me, but needed me to know these things. I never knew why you always brought that kind of stuff up. I hated when you did. I wanted to leave when you started talking about it. I hate thinking about it, but now I understand. No matter what, you wanted me to be happy. And when you... when you died, I thought I failed to complete your wishes because I didn't want to love anyone else. Those years, all I ever knew was pain. Never once did I feel love because when you died, I thought I lost all senses of love."

By now, I was sitting. My pants were getting wet from the snow but I didn't care. My elbows were on my knees, holding my head in my hands. My throat was sore from crying so hard.

"I want to let you know that I will always love you, even if it's not your ring on my finger. I will always love you, even if it's not you I'm kissing. I will always love you, even if you're all the way up there in the clouds."

I didn't know how long I'd been there. It didn't feel like long. It felt like I had just gotten there still. It felt like I had just started crying but I could tell I'd been crying for awhile because of the pain in my throat and lungs.

"I love Conan. Even if he is an android. You always said people can love whoever they want, even if it's a bit disturbing. If they're happy, then no one else's opinion matters. I mean, of course, if it's doing no harm to anyone or anything," I laugh, closing my eyes and taking in a deep breath, "Conan makes me feel so happy. He makes me happy in completely different ways. You both have made me happy in your own ways. I'm so happy that I'm unable to compare your guys' love. It makes it feel so much newer and better."

My tears have dried and I have a small smile on my face. My hands are still shaking, but I feel calmer. The weight on my shoulders felt lifted.

"You will always be in my heart. I love you so much, Daniel Wick, I love you so much."

I stand up, leaning down to press my warm lips to the cold stone. My eyes slip closed as I stay there, waiting for nothing. Standing back up, I give one last nod before turning away and feeling the distance pull at my aching heart. I stuff my hands back into my jacket, feeling the warmth slowly build up again.

I walked slower, wanting to think to myself a bit more before stepping inside the car. I breathe out, seeing it come out visibly.

Checking the time, I notice it had been more than an hour. My thoughts trailed back to Conan, smiling at the moments of this morning.

"Alright Gavin, let's go home."

•How was this?
I almost started crying while writing this and then I did cry when I went over it•