The Beach (Mimmy)

Chapter Ten: Outings and Promises

“Go for it, while you can. I know you have it in you. And I can't promise you'll get everything you want, but I can promise nothing will change if you don't try.”

-          J. M. Darhower, Sempre

Jimmy was bored out of his mind, Matt could tell. He sat upside down on the couch, banging his head on the floor repeatedly. He was tired of the beach, tired of the same house, the same things, the same dog, the same shows. It had been a week since Arin had visited, and he was eager for the young man to return, but he was at his grandparent’s and couldn’t make it today.

“Let’s go out.” He begged the drummer, “Pleeeease, I’m so tired of doing nothing!”

“Jimmy, we can’t.” Matt replied quietly but firmly as he flicked through the channels.

“But why not? It’s not like anyone will recognize me. I’m invisible, remember? Please, Matt, I’m gonna start pulling my hair out…”

“Where would we go?” Matt asked. “Anywhere we go I’ll just have to pretend like you’re not there. It won’t really count as anything…”

“Just for a fucking change in scenery!” Jimmy cried. “I’m so bored, Matt! Please we could do anything! Let’s go to the fucking store and get some food!”

“You can’t come with me…”

“I’m going to go with you, and there’s nothing you can do about it!”Jimmy snapped, sitting up so he could properly glare at the vocalist.

Matt groaned, “Jimmy, what if I just go and bring back pizza or something, yeah? Because, we’ve never actually encountered anyone for you to be invisible around, and-“

“And what, you don’t believe me?” Jimmy asked. “You think it won't work? You think that if other people could see me I would be here right now? I’d be at Kelly’s. At Katie’s. With my family and the guys and fucking everyone. I miss them so much, Matt, and to be able to see them and them me would be so worth anyone finding out that I passed away.”

The older man was getting frustrated, and Matt sighed. “Let’s… Let’s go to the park.”

Jimmy’s eyes lit up, and he leapt to his feet. “Okay!” he agreed willingly, dashing off to get his shoes. “We can bring Bella and her ball!”

“That might not be a good idea…” Matt mumbled.

“Why not?” Jimmy asked, coming out of their room hopping on one foot as he slipped on a sock.

“Because she always brings the ball to you when she fetches it.” Matt responded. “How would the other people there react to the ball throwing itself for her?”

Jimmy sighed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right…” he came over and pecked the younger man lightly on the lips. “Thank you for doing this though, Mattie. I love you.”

“We’re just going to the park…” Matt trailed off, instead kissing Jimmy’s chin and smiling warmly. “I love you too, babe.”

~*~

They walked hand in hand to the park, Jimmy every so often sneaking a kiss to Matt’s cheek. It was an ultimate test for the vocalist. He couldn’t respond to anything Jimmy did, couldn’t swing their clasped hands lazily, couldn’t say a word to the drummer.

The park was bustling with children, dressed up like Eskimos in their thick winter jackets, on the swing set, monkey bars, slides. Mothers watched them all carefully, calling out to them to be careful and fair.

The pair sat on a bench at a distance from the actual playground, so that if they spoke quietly, they wouldn’t be heard. Jimmy rested his head on Matt’s shoulder, and the younger man smiled.

He watched the children, playing games and laughing and squealing with glee, and couldn’t help but feel a small pang in his chest. “Why didn’t we ever have kids?” he asked the drummer quietly, chuckling to himself as a young toddler tried to keep up with the older kids.

Jimmy shrugged. “I think they’re a hassle. They’re annoying and loud and bratty little shits. I don’t know how my parents put up with us.”

Matt just watched a little girl push the toddler on the swings, and sighed softly. He felt much differently about the whole situation. “I like them.”

“It’s not too late for you to get a baby, Mattie…” Jimmy ran his fingers down Matt’s cheek. “You’ll find a new guy, then you can adopt some poor kid from China.”

It hurt Matt to listen to Jimmy talk about himself leaving, and finding someone new, and referring to starting a family like that.

“I’ll never find a new guy.” He replied softly. “You’ve set my standards much too high. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to let go of you.”

Jimmy frowned, cupping Matt’s chin in his hand to make their eyes meet, despite the possibility of people noticing something was off. “Matthew, you will let me go, do you understand? You have to. There are plenty of fish in the sea, someone will capture your heart again. And you’ll have a couple kids and Bella and it’ll be perfect, okay?”

Matt just sighed, pulling away from his husband. “It won’t be perfect, because you won't be in it. I love you so much, Jimmy, I don’t want to let you go. I don’t want to get over you and have you just be some old memory.”

Jimmy chuckled quietly. “Babe, I want you to let go of me. Please. If you love me, you will. I don’t like seeing you sad, and I don’t want to go back knowing that you’re going to be sad all the time. Just try for me, please? Don’t hole yourself up all alone at the house all the time. Go out with the guys, meet some new people. And if you don’t find a guy you like, that’s fine. But at least be open to the notion…”

The drummer fell into silence, and they continued watching the children on the playground. Eventually, Matt smiled softly. “I’ll try to move on. For you.”

Jimmy perked up, and he kissed Matt’s temple. “Promise?” he asked, sapphire eyes twinkling behind their frames.

Matt laughed softly, making an “X” over his heart with a finger. “Cross my heart.”

“Will you promise me something else?” Jimmy asked, eyes sweeping back over the playground.

“It depends on what it is.” Matt replied, searching Jimmy’s face.

“Promise me you’ll be happy again. Even if you move on, you still have to promise me that you’ll find someone that makes you happy.”

Matt was silent for a while, brooding over Jimmy’s request. That was a hard thing, finding someone new. It was hard for him to imagine ever needing to while his husband was sitting at his side.

The vocalist sighed, and slowly began to nod. Finally, he replied, “I promise.”