One Shots ~ Newtmas

I Hate You, I Love You (In A Hospital Room)

There's days like today, where I hate you so much with all my being because I know if you just let me help, if you just let me in, none of this would've happened. But of course you didn't, now we're here.

In a hospital room.

There's days like last Saturday, where I love you so much with all my being because I know that we can share anything and we have the most fun when we're together. We can laugh and cry and neither would judge, we could always hug it out. But that's in the past, now we're here.

In a hospital room.

I hate you. I hate you so so so much, but then again, it's what makes me love you even more. I can't get you out my mind and sometimes it's painful but other times...well, it's a blessing, honestly. I need you by my side, but now we're here.

In a hospital room.

Times like these I can't help but love you and hate you at the same time. Hoping my love will get you to wake up from where you lay, but my hatred takes over and hates you for putting yourself there, in that bed.

In a hospital room.

You know it's cold. My heart is aching and every nerve on my body is heightened. Nothing is okay, not when you've led us here, from your despair, if you only let me help, we wouldn't be here.

In a hospital room.

I like to imagine your eyes, the light dancing in your lively eyes, never missing a beat, matching the rhythm of your heartbeat. Your eyes reflect your soul, almost anyone can read your emotions and the special flecks of colour enhance the emotions you have inside. I love your eyes. Maybe you'll open them again, but probably not because we're here.

In a hospital room.

There's nothing I hate about you. Well nothing I'd like to admit anyway. But I guess you won't wake, so...I hate when you don't tell me things, or don't let me help. I have so much to offer and I will help you through anything, but you like to push me away, you just want me to help everyone else, you think you're unimportant, but you're the most important, especially to me. Otherwise I wouldn't be here with you.

In a hospital room.

Why are we here? I love and hate you because we're here. I love you because you stayed strong for so long but I hate you because you gave up. That's why we're here, you tried to give up, but I was there in time, you just needed to let me in, to help, I could've been there earlier and saved you before you tried. Then we wouldn't have to be here.

In a hospital room.

Love. Hate. Strong words, that I use when referring to you. I guess I've used them so much at this point, they've kind of lost their meaning. But I know I mean it when I say I love you, not so much when I say I hate you. I only say I hate you when you get us in situations like these, when we're left to stay here.

In a hospital room.

I guess I should leave, maybe you will hate me for it maybe you'll just love me even more for giving you space. I love you, okay? But just know I hate you because I don't like watching you, helpless and laying there on that bed.

In your hospital room.

A/N: Okay so...this is kinda sad. I guess. Okay for a bit of context:
Thomas and Newt are boyfriends and they are having a great time, Newt has depression, tells Thomas, Thomas tries to help, Newt tells Thomas he doesn't need help and should help others and not him, Thomas tries to get to Newt, Newt ends up committing suicide because of his depression, Thomas finds him when he's hanging from the ceiling but still has a pulse, Thomas saves Newt and brings him to the hospital and that explains the hospital room. It's all from Thomas POV btw.

Okay so originally I didn't imagine Thomas and Newt being the two people in this story, that's why there no names or mentions of specific details like what they look like really (except the eyes but I didn't mention the colour so...). You can imagine this as literally any two people, it works, mostly.

The reason it has like two titles is because I couldn't decide between the two.