Predestined (Neymar da Silva Santos Júnior FanFiction)

Chapter 34: 'Fight'.

What was I doing? The moment my lips touched hers I knew I did a mistake. She stepped back and I saw her confused and surprised look. Before I could say something, apologize myself, she said something.  "Ney..." I said. "You shouldn't have..."

"Done it. I know." I ended her sentence and looked away from her. "I'm sorry." I added. I really felt sorry about it. I was sure that I had confused her with that. "You know that I am with Oscar, Ney." Of course I knew. What was she thinking? 'Probably something wrong.' I thought to myself. "I know... promise me you won't tell him about this." I said and looked back at her. She raised her eyebrows. "You want me to lie to him?" Her words annoyed me. Did I say she should lie to him? No I didn't. "Not lie to him. Just not tell him anything." I corrected her and tried to explain why it'd be better if Oscar didn't know. Better for me. I didn't think that Oscar would think that Taléia wanted something from me. He knew that she loved him after everything they both have been through. "He could think something wrong and I don't want to risk my friendship to him."

"So because you're scared of your friendship with him I should risk my relationship? Because you think that he could think something wrong about it? What is there to understand wrong Neymar? You kissed me. Whatever reasons you may have..."

"I wanted to make sure of something." I interrupted her 'speech' and looked at her. Why didn't she just let go of it? I knew I handled wrong but couldn't she just do what I was asking her for?

"Make sure of what?" She asked instead but I wasn't going to tell her right away. I wanted her to do something first.

"Promise me first."

"Fine... I promise. Now tell me. Of what did you want to make sure?" She said and I could hear that she was upset. She didn't like the thought of keeping something from Oscar but it'd be better. At least that's what I was thinking. I bit lightly my bottom lip before I started talking.  "I hoped kind of that I feel more for you." I stopped to let her realize what I just said.

"And?" She asked, looking at me curious now.

"I don't. I don't love you Taléia. I hoped that I would love you so I would have a reason why my relationship with Lucía was doomed from the beginning... "I tried to explain her my impulsive action few minutes ago.

"Your relationship with Lucía wasn't doomed from the beginning. Don't say such a thing." She protested.

"It was..." I insisted. "I'm probably just not able to have a 'good' relationship." She opened her mouth to say something but I didn't let her. I put my hand on her mouth to show her she should just listen. "Everything I touch expect for football goes wrong. So don't tell me it wouldn't be true." She shook her head and took my hand away. I sighed. I should've known that she wouldn't understand. No one understood. That's why I kept it always for myself.

"Stop thinking so negative about yourself.  What happen to the Neymar I met in Brazil huh? The funny, joking Neymar? The one, who cared about his friends, his family and his son?  It's not just football you are good at and you know that."

"I guess he stayed in Brazil." I replied to her words and was relieved as that taxi finally showed up. I climbed in and told the driver the address. I felt soberer as minutes ago but I wasn't going to risk driving like that and after I waited for this taxi I would go home with it. I looked outside as Taléia didn't climb in after me.

"Taléia? Are you coming or do you want to stay all night out here?" I asked her and she breathed out deeply, before she climbed in.

During the whole ride she gladly didn't say a word and left me in peace. Just my thoughts were them who didn't let me forget about everything. I shouldn't have kissed her. All it did was proving me that my feelings for Lucía were real. That I didn't just imagine them - that I didn't just used her to get over Taléia.

As we arrived, Taléia climbed out of the car and I paid the driver before I followed her. It didn't take long for me to catch up with her so we arrived together at the door. I took my keys out and wanted to unlock the door.

"You gave up on yourself." She said and I sighed deeply. It wasn't over yet.

"I didn't give up." I protested and unlocked the door.  She stepped in before me. I closed the door behind her and tried to stay calm as I heard her words. "You did." She insisted and turned around to look at me. "You just decided that you don't deserve to be happy. You say you aren't able to have a good relationship? Think why? Maybe it is because you didn't fight enough?"  Her words made me angry and I grimaced.

"I fought enough for her. She was the one who tossed me away all the time. She was the one who broke up with me in the first place!" I said and got louder to the end. I wasn't going to let her just throw such words at me and act like they wouldn't hurt me. That they didn't have an effect on me. "So don't tell me I didn't fight enough because I did!" I saw how she winced shortly but it didn't bother me. I was almost yelling at her but she provoked it. I wasn't going to hide right now how I was feeling. "It wasn't me who gave up." I continued as she said nothing. She probably realized that she should just let me talk right now. "She gave up on us first and then she thought she could show up in Barcelona and thought I could act like nothing happened? Not with me Taléia. Yeah... maybe I did a mistake too. I shouldn't have told her I would have a new girlfriend while I didn't have... but I wanted to hurt her... I wanted to hurt her like she hurt me." I couldn't prevent my own voice from breaking at the end. The whole thing was still upsetting me. I made a break and closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. I was glad that Taléia kept silent and didn't ask or say something.

"Everyone always expects me to fight." I started again and opened my eyes to look back at her. "I'm tired Tal. I can't always fight for something and I didn't see the point to fight for someone who will probably leave me again the minute her father steps in between us again. She might say at the moment she wouldn't care but the next she changes her mind. I can't deal with that. And I have to think of Davi. I can't always put people in his life who leave all the time. It's difficult enough to handle the situation. My parents want me to be with the mother of my son but I don't love her. They say I would be better off with Carolina than with any other woman." I tried to explain Taléia how I was feeling. It wasn't easy to talk about it because I hadn't told anyone ever really about all this. "They would've accepted Lucía. They liked her. But they were proven right the minute Lucía left me."

"You told them?" She asked me and I shook my head.

"I didn't but ..." I stretched out my arms. "I can't do anything without at least one person noticing! I step out of the house and at least one... paparazzi follows me wherever I go."

"I'm sorry." She said and I shook lightly my head. Why was she sorry? I had been the one who made the mistake kissing her. Not her.

"You don't have to be sorry. I have. I'm sorry about the kiss.  I acted without really thinking how it must be coming over for you." I apologized myself. I had made sure that she understood why I kissed her and hoped she wouldn't blame me for it. I couldn't take it back anymore. It had happen.  "We should go to sleep. I have practice later today." I added as she didn't say anything. She just nodded lightly. I breathed a kiss on her forehead and went past her to go to my room. The sleep would help me to get rid of the light dizzy feeling I was having. I would apologize to Taléia tomorrow again. I put off my shoes, pants and shirt. I lied down on my bed and sighed deeply.

I was doing one mistake after the other.

Probably it'd be best if Taléia would just leave. I couldn't handle her presence. She was reminding me to much on Lucía.