My so called life

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Jamal spent the holidays with his family …. But everythin wasn’t right ….. After that night at the club …. He avoided Kevin …… he just aint know wat to say to him ….   The Saturday after Thanksgiving, he and his friends decided to hang out …….  “So u aint seen him or nuthin??” Alex asked as they zipped in and out of traffic on the interstate …….. “Nah … I mean … I just dunno wat to say ….. I mean .. he aint do nothing … He was just dancing with James ……” Jamal looked out the window …. He missed Kevin ….. but there was just sumthin about the situation that just aint feel right …….
 
“U are too easy … U need to be throwin him shade and let him know at he gon be missin ….” Mitch said ….. “Yea ..”  Everyone chimed in …… “I just dunno …”  Jamal hated when everyone ganged up on him …. But they had a point ……. “and where is that fine Dudley at?”  “Yea …. I think he was way better than Kevin ….” Mitch added ……. Jamal rolled his eyes …… “I’m so tired of negros with secrets …… Both of them can’t be up front with me ….and I’m just stuck in the background ….” “Well why don’t u do sumthin bout it ….. Kevin and James is right over there lookin friendly …..” Alex said as they pulled into the parking lot of the gas station ……
 
Jamal looked and there he was ….. He didn’t even think …. He jumped out the car and went to the door ……. “So ..uh …. This is what u been doin?”  he asked Kevin ….. Kevin did a double take ….. he hadn’t expected to see him out there …… “Jamal … uh … what are you doing here??”  “clearly I’m here watching u step out with this”  Jamal pointed to James who had a smile on his face …….  “Now come on Jamal … I dun want this to be ugly …… U kno we just house mates …Why u gotta be so damn jealous????” Kevin yelled …… “I’m so tired of your shyt …… I mean … u don’t call and then wen I do see you … it’s always about me cheating … or whatever ….”  Jamal listened …. How was Kevin turning this on him????  “I …I mean … I uh …”  Jamal stuttered …. He couldn’t get his words together ….. Kevin knew that Jamal wouldn’t be able to step up and say anything ……. So he just kept talking ……. 
 
“you kno wat? …. I’m tired of this game ….and how bout we just end this ….. I go my way .. and u go yours …..”  Jamal starred at him for a second …..  He looked around … a crowd had grown by that time …… “ Um … If you sure that’s wat u want …… but …” “No Buts …. Jamal we’re through !!!!”  Kevin jumped in the car and James smiled ….. “Too bad so sad Mal … maybe  next time you’ll  learn not to play games u can’t win ….”
 
He watched as they left the parking lot …. In the car .. Kevin looked back for a second ….. “You don’t need that in your life …. So don’t sweat him ….” James pulled Kevin into a kiss …. He kissed back ….  “Yea … U right …..”  Kevin took a vile out his pocket …… and placed it near his nose …… His head started to spin as the popper took its effect ……. They had a ball to walk tonight …and he needed to be in rare form …….  Jamal’s friends were speechless as they drove him home …….  He looked out the window and wondered why …….  In front of his house ….. “Are you gonna be okay??”  they asked …… “Yea … its nothing …. I’ll be koo ….See u in church tomorra ….”
 
Jamal walked slowly into the house …. His father was in the kitchen …. “Jamal???? U cutting it kind of close son ….”  Jamal answered ….. “I kno pop … I just had sumthin I needed to find out …..”  Jamal stopped …. “Jamal … I kno we talked before and u told me everything had changed …. But I’m telling you again …. Making other people happy only goes so far …. Sooner or later you’re gonna realize that they will be happy leaving you unhappy …… and that’s the last thing Imma say about it …..”  Jamal looked over to his father ….. “Yes sir ….”
 
That night in bed, he looked at his ceiling deep in thought …… 6 months ago …. He was all fine ….. and then the Summa of Hell occurred and his life hasn’t been the same since ….. “Why???”  Jamal asked as tears flowed from his eyes …… HE fell asleep sometime later …. And then awoke …. His mother walked by his room … “Jamal ….. I know you wanted to sing …..and I want you to do a selection after I preach …. We have some important people coming today and I’d think it’ll be good to have you sing ……”  Rev. Brown dressed in her red 2-piece suit …..with match hat and shoes …….  Jamal wanted so much to smile … but after last night …. He just couldn’t sound to excited …. 
 
“Thanks ma …. I love you ….”  “Me too …”  She walked out and left for church … Jamal walked into his closet and picked out his clothes …… He sighed …. “Oh well … maybe I’ll sing my self happy ….” He chuckled as he got dressed in his  black Armani suit ….. Within the hour he was sitting in church listening to his mother preach ….. 
“…..sometimes … You get low!!!! Ha .. and You got nowhere to go!!! Ha!! But I …Ha Come to tell you!!! Ha .. That JESUS!!! Ha!!! JESUS!!!! HA Ha!!!! He’ll pick you up!!! Ha!! Even if he gotta 
Reach WAY
-------Down!!!!!! Ha-Ha! 
Jamal joined the congregation on his feet …… She had a way with words … The message was about picking yourself up when you have fallen off ….. The words sank in his heart …… As she tapered off her voice …… He walked up to the mic …… Donte the piano player looked at him …… Jamal mouthed … ‘Back me up’  He breathed deeply …and  started to sing …..
 
I’ve heard of a place …… when I’m down with the race …
a place so wondrous and Fair …. Oooo … 
I’m gonna sing and shout … and no one’s gonna put me out … 
Streets of gold …Pearly gates await … oh no I wouldn’t miss Heaven for the world ….. You kno I …. (Wouldn’t miss heaven for the world ….) 
I wanna go,  I wouldn’t miss heaven .. (Wouldn’t miss heaven for the world ….)
You kno I …. (Wouldn’t miss heaven for the world ….) 
I wanna go,  I wouldn’t miss heaven .. (Wouldn’t miss heaven for the world ….)
For nothing in this world ….. Don’t you wanna go to 
HEAVEN!!
Don’t’ you wanna go to
HEAVEN!!!
Don’t you wanna go to 
HEAVEN!!!
Jamal started tearing up before he finished the song …. “I Wanna GO!!!!  I wanna go to Heaven!!!!!” He screamed as he couldn’t control anything ….. His life was in shambles … he needed help ….. “LORD!!!!! I wanna Go!!!”  Jamal passed out ….. as his mother looked over at him ….. 

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