Heart-strings

Chapter 26

It was already a week since I left Mumbai and shifted to Mangalore. I was far away from Darshan, he would have surely tried to know about my well being but I had added his phone number in the blacklist because had I not done that, he would have definitely tried to reach me. I was all alone in the hotel room for 7 days and now I had no money to stay there for longer so I decided to move out and search for a house on rent. It was an actual struggle to find a proper house at a safe area. I had strolled around the city till evening but after being empty handed I decided to head towards Udupi beach.

I could feel the emotional numbness within me. I lived far from the chaotic world, I always used to be a part of but this life was not quiet, my insides were roaring. Every now and then, my mind would remind me of the memories we made. 'Memories', I call it now, although I never lived days to turn them into memories. Yes, memories are golden but I never wanted memories, the fact is that I always wanted him to be a call away but now reality throws light on the fact that he is always memories away but what can one do when the only thing that can be done is to hold onto nothing but someone's memory.

I sat on the beach extending my legs forward while rested my hands on the sand. The waves looked treacherous that day; they looked as if they would swallow everything within it. The sky was partially covered with clouds adding to my loneliness. Life wasn't the same, obviously, it changed drastically. In one of those beautiful evenings, we spent together, Darshan said, "Life will take our tests, it will challenge us but we will never let 'WE' become 'I and you'". Life took our test and I failed, he did not falter anywhere but I did. I lost the battle against circumstances but I did not want to make an attempt in fighting against anything because it would cost me his happiness. My eyes slowly turned moist, I felt like ending everything. I did not want to live because I lost the reasons. I had no rights to move on and smile because I hurt someone too precious.

I pulled my legs closer to my chest, wrapped my hands around them and rested my head on my knees. For a moment, I felt that Darshan ran his fingers through my hairs which forced me to look beside but expectations and reality have a crystal clear line in between. It was surely not Darshan but the wind which blew swiftly over the beach playing with my hairs. This was just a mere beginning, I had a long race to run without him and get over his thoughts. Of course, it wouldn't be easy but I did not even regret leaving him because it was for his sake and the sacrifices we do in love never goes waste.

Moments later, my phone rang as someone buzzed me. When my eyes fell on the screen, I found out it was Dad. I did not want to swipe right and listen to his taunts and threats but I had no second option to rely on to. "Hello", he spoke from the other side of the phone. My insides shattered into pieces and I felt my stomach twisting in knots, what if he rung me up to put another condition on my life. "Where are you?", his raged voice reached my ears making my inside boil up. "Huh, why do you care? Wherever I am, what do you have to do with it? You asked me to leave Darshan, I did. You asked me to give up on dance, I did. I not only gave up on both, I walked out of Mumbai too. What do you want now?", I screamed in sheer annoyance. "What do I want now? Tell me where you are! If you don't, I know ways to make you speak up so better you do", he ordered. I thought for 10 times before telling him, "Mangalore". "Oh, good. Take the next flight and come here", he said. "What! Come there! Why?", I said in perplex. "Do what you are asked to! You won't stay in Mangalore because I don't trust you. So come back to our home", as soon as these words left his mouth, I felt like ending my life. What did he want me to do? Did he think of me as his puppet which would move whenever he would wish? I was tired of my life; I saw no point in living. After all, the city from where I ran away, the house I left a year ago, he wanted me to go back in that hell and was my life not already destroyed that he had plans of making it even worse. "Why do you do this? Can't you let me live my life? You snatched everything away- my love, my dreams, my hopes. Why can't you see anything over your money? You call it as home! No, it isn't, it's just a piece of land surrounded by four wall and a roof above. That's not home! Since childhood, you have created enough of obstacles for us and now when my life started changing, you again came to take away even the little happiness from me", I wiped off my tears from the scarf. "And you know what, it's a curse to be your daughter!", I had no idea what left my mouth and what worst outcomes I would have to face because of them. "Mind your words. I have given you all a luxurious life, people dream of such prosperous life and you, ungrateful moron, you question me. Had I not worked day and night, you all would have been living the worst life", he scoffed at me while I did not cross spoke because arguing with him was like locking horns with more hardships. "Take the next flight and show up here. One more thing, your mom and sister should know nothing about the reason of you coming back. If you even tell them a single word, I will make sure to execute my plans".

I hung up. My eyes fell on the concrete benches which reminded me of my unexpected meeting with Darshan, months back. "Loving someone is such a beautiful thing, isn't it", he asked me that day. I realized how beautiful it was to love someone and how painful to leave them. He was the boy who blindly believed in love and would go out of ways to save his voice, he considered it as the purest feeling, existing, and maybe, I turned the tables for him. What if he stopped believing in love because I cheated on him? I dreaded confronting him again; I would not be able to bear the pain and anger in his eyes. I hope I could tell him that I did not want to leave him on the mid of the path, I wanted to walk with him till the end but destiny changed the game. Life is never predictable and I reckon. It is a bunch of uncertainty and you can't reject it when it comes your way. You either make pace with it or give up and I was still confused if I gave up on my love or I picked up the things the way they came to me.