Heart-strings

Chapter 23

I climbed up the staircase of Darshan's home while Dhruv followed me. Moments later when I reached the floor he lived in, my stomach twisted in knots and my heart raced against my chest fiercely. I did not have the nerves to press the doorbell switch; as soon as I took my hand towards it, it terribly shivered.

I never imagined that someday I would have to take this step, I felt worse for Darshan because he fell in love with a wrong girl. When all I ever wanted to give him was happiness, I could only give him pain. I was like a sheet of white paper and he was an ink, with every next word he scribbled, I got tinge. Had he been the paper and I, an ink, I would have only stained him. "Nandini!", Dhruv gently touched my shoulder making me turn to look at him. "We have to go inside", he suggested and I nodded. "You know what you have to do, right?", I questioned him. "Yes", he replied.

My finger was about to touch the switch when Darshan's voice came from inside, "The door is open. Welcome, Mam!". His voice was so cheered up and I was going to snatch that away from him, unwantedly. I held Dhruv's right hand and pushed the door open with my left hand. Darshan stood in the living room with his hands on his waist; he was looking at something with keen focus. As soon as we entered, he turned towards us. His eyes fell on me, he smiled widely but when he looked at us holding hands, it somewhat faded away. I felt so disgusted; I despised myself for being so rude to him. I loosened the grip on Dhruv's hand and walked towards Darshan, slowly. I had so many thoughts in my mind, I thought when I would return from the workshop, we would go out to a long ride or something but who knew that life was already prepared to take us on rollercoaster rides, separately. I stood in front of him while he walked towards me. "Darshh—", I uttered. He cupped my cheeks with his hands and lifted up my chin. He came closer to my face, I could feel his warm breath on my dry cheek and slowly his nose touched mine. He tenderly pressed his lips against mine and that sympathetic touch did something to me. For me, within a moment, the clock just stopped ticking and this world just stopped spinning. My eyes turned moist, tears dribbled down my cheeks falling over his face to his lips making him open his eyes. He slowly moved backwards breaking the kiss; I fixed my eyes on the floor.

Our first kiss happened at the moment when nothing was falling in places for us. It happened all of a sudden; maybe he did it out of jealousy because he could not digest the fact that I held Dhruv's hand. Now was the time for me to convince him that we could not take our relationship further. He wiped the tears off my cheeks from his thumb. "You, asshole! Do you love looking at couples when they kiss?", he scoffed at Dhruv while Dhruv remained silent. "Darsh...", he cut me off saying, "Were you on starvation? You look so thin. Did you not take proper meal? Why your eyes look so puffed?", he piled up questions. "Darshh-an...", I could not complete as he interfered saying, "Darshan? Since when?", he asked me. Little did he know that every word which would leave my mouth would only hurt him. "From now onwards! Actually I have come here to tell you something", I said with a heavy heart. "Yeah, speak!", he pleaded. "I think...", I breathed in. Well, I was always pretty good at hiding tears so I said, "I don't think we stand a chance together, anymore. I have lost interest in you and I think you should also move on. When I went to Bangalore, I met Dhruv", I gestured Dhruv to come. "So, I think I like him now. We even belong to the same field, so it will never be tough for us to stay together but it's difficult with you because you belong to an entirely different zone, and I nowhere fit in it". "Who said you don't fit into my world? And how does that even matter? What are you speaking, Nandini? You are being too quick to jump into conclusion. Everything was fine before you left but what on earth has happened to you all of a sudden. Can you even hear what are you speaking?", Darshan's eyes turned blood red while he spoke in a husky voice and I understood that I broke his heart. I shattered it into pieces but I only hoped for him to glue them again. "Look...", my voice cracked and it was difficult to hold myself back but impossible to cry in front of him. He would simply understand my unwillingness to part with him. "Sorry to interrupt you guys but Darshan, I think Nandini and I were destined to be together. Maybe you both never loved each other, it was an infatuation or just friendsh...", Dhruv spoke in between and got on Darshan's nerves. Darshan pounced on him and gave him a punch right at his nose. He held so much of aggression at that moment and after so many months I saw him in such anger. I had to come in between them otherwise Darshan would terribly beat him and after all he was just helping me, to defend me he took a risk and I was the sole reason for everyone's suffering. "Darshan, stop! I said stop it! What are you doing?", I screeched. "Just stop", I pushed him away while he fell on the couch behind him and suddenly my eyes fell on the paper which was kept on the table. It had boldly written "The Dance Competition" over it. I felt so guilty, that was the surprise he had for me because he knew I was a bit low after losing the chance for street dance competition. Although I felt like wrapping him into a tight and squeezing hug, I was not supposed to and now, I even lost rights to do so.

I walked towards Darshan to offer him my hand so that he could stand up but he just looked at my hand and gave a sigh of despair. "Keep these gestures for some other day", he taunted me with teary eyes. "And you, I don't know what black magic have you done on her that she has come here to break up with me but I know that you must have compelled her to do this. It took her months to decide whether she loved me or not and now I can't believe that she fell for you in just 2 weeks. I am not even going to believe that", he spoke to Dhruv while his gaze was fixed at me and I could not meet his eyes. I did not have the nerves to face him either. "If you have decided to leave me, you can. I won't ask you to stay unless you want to", he spoke and walked towards the table to pick up the paper. "This was for you, I mean, this is for you. You can enroll in this competition; you have big chances to win. I had many things to share with you but now I don't think I even have a word to speak", he took a long breath. "Take care", he said while I stood as still as a statue. "Umm...take care of yourself. You will find someone soon", I said. "I just loved you truly and I don't think I can love someone the same way", he smiled, faintly. My eyes turned moist and I felt like breaking down at that point. I cursed myself for being so spineless. I walked out of his home silently while Dhruv followed me.

I just wished him to be happy forever and prayed that he would never find someone like me again. I did not want to be the reason why he would give up on love. I prayed he wouldn't meet me again. I decided not only to walk out of his life but also to walk out of Mumbai.