Heart-strings

Chapter 25

The sun rose in the sky as usual but it failed to illuminate my life through its rays. Its brightness was horrifying, I wanted to stay in the dark. All I knew was that my life was no more a dream but exactly a nightmare. The thought of living without the man, I always loved and only loved, kept eating my insides and I felt lifeless. Yes, my heart was beating and blood ran through my veins but still, I felt something or everything inside of me died.

It was almost time for me to leave the house and head to the Airport. Sparing even another second in Mumbai was difficult. I had already booked my ticket to Mangalore, for reasons, the probability of Darshan visiting the city was very very less, he would never be able to find out my location; I knew no one in the city so it would be easy to live there; Dad would never be able to find me.

I delved into my cross bag for finding my phone. There were 56 missed calls from Darshan since last night, 20 text messages on What's app, among which, one read "I know you are lying. Do whatever you can, I won't believe you. We can sort things out, tell me where did I do wrong, I will not repeat it but don't say we have to end this. I will come to your home at 9 AM sharp so be ready". I could visualise him standing in front of me with teary eyes and a faint smile, the thought of that sight broke my heart into uncollectible pieces. I knew he would do anything to make our relationship work and I feared he would show up anytime. I wrapped my palm around the handle of the trolley bag and walked out of the door for the last time. It was painful. I remembered those days I spent with him there, my birthday, our proposal and so many memories and now with a heavy heart, I walked out.

As soon as I climbed down six stairs, I heard footsteps of someone walking up the stairs. My eyes fell on a tall boy, who looked tired and exhausted, drenched in sweat. Darshan's eyes looked sleepless. I had no idea that I would hurt him so much. Within seconds, he stood in front of me, our eyes met but I moved my eyes away from him as soon as possible.

I wanted to step back and close myself in the room but when I saw him, the world around me froze and my legs glued to the ground. Unfortunately, the door was locked so I had no way other than facing him.

He looked at me with bleary eyes, completely lost and unconscious of his condition. He slowly walked towards me while I stood in front of my room's door. "Nandini...", he sighed in relief while I stood blank. "Huh, Thank God...you are here", he said in a panting voice and paused looking at my luggage. "What is this?", he asked in bewilderment. I looked at my bag and held its handle tightly while my eyes turned moist. I was never this weak or fragile, or maybe I never knew when I would fall in love, I would explore myself more. He softly kept his hand over mine, that gentle touch paralyzed me. I could not move a muscle. I let him stay close to me. I should have pushed him away because if I would show him that his existence mattered, he would not leave me and that would destroy him. I built some confidence, removed my hand, and spoke, "I'm getting late. Move!". "I can't. I won't", he said looking into my eyes. My eyes turned moist and I swallowed. "Don't you get this thing straight to your mind? I don't love you. In fact, I never did. It was just a mere infatuation which attracted me but now I have realised what love is", I said with an unshakable voice, somehow. "Digest the truth that I love Dhruv. I never felt anything for you, the way I feel for him", that was a truth because I always felt and thought of Dhruv as a friend, how could I even think of Darshan like that. But being the stubborn kid, he was, he did not move an inch away. "Listen, Nandini, I know there is something which is making you say all these stuffs. I know you love me so even if you pack it with 100 lies, the truth will be truth. You can't leave me like this", his eyes turned moist. Had he blinked once, those tears would have ran down his cheeks effortlessly. "I know you. I know everything about you. You are lying. I know. Tell me what happened. Just tell me, that's all I demand for!", he insisted. "You know what, Darshan, you are not a kid. Grow up. You can't clinge onto relationships when they do not stand a chance. The sooner you learn letting go, easier it becomes for to move on. I did not want to say this, but now I have to, you have never given me happiness. Never! Look at Dhruv, he just entered my life and I am happy", every word I spoke stabbed me more than him. I knew what I was speaking and I had no other chance because he was not ready to listen to me and only those harsh words could help me. "I did not want to complain you about anything but you just forced me to say this. I am sorry but if you don't, I deserve a chance to move on and live happily with someone who will love me with all his hea...", I was saying while he cross spoke, "Do you think I was playing on you? Do you think my love was impure? I never gave you happiness!". I knew I got on his nerves and this was a chance to ignite that fire of hatred within him, "Listen, I have to go. You have already wasted my time and I have to board on a flight", I said. "Where are you going?", he questioned. "It's none of your concern. Let go!", I took a step ahead. "Have you made up your mind of breaking up?", he asked me. I turned back and looked at his sad face for a second. Yes, he was hurt. He was hurt because of me. I was the one responsible for everything he was suffering through. I cursed me for walking into his life and now stranding him alone. "We have already drifted apart. Bye", I took a step ahead thinking he would stop me but it was better if he did not because this was needed. I deserved this and till when would he put efforts into a realtionship which was meaningless. I slowly climbed down the stairs, while tears dribbled down my cheeks, my legs trembled and my heart thudded against my chest. He still stood there with his gaze fixed at the ground, I did not turn to see him but I knew he was crying. He stood in utter silence but I could imagine the storm he held inside.

I took my flight to Mangalore. I told everyone that I was moving to Pune so no one could search for me.

When the flight took off, my dreams, desires, happiness, everything buried in Mumbai and what remained intact, what came with me was MY LOVE for him.