The Lost Story

Chapter 17

"Oh. My. God", I said breathlessly. I was standing still in the doorway. I couldn't move even if I wanted to. Ross looked up. Shock spread across his red tear stained face. He still had the sharp blood covered razor in his hand. Both of us unable to talk. More tears fell down his face. Tears started making their way down my cheeks.

"Carly please-", he tried to say but I cut him off.

"Oh. My. God", I cried out a little louder than the first time. There was so much blood I wanted to throw up, but I knew I couldn't. I didn't even know what to do.

"I'm so sorry Carly", Ross cried dropping his head. He still had the blade in his hands. I was definitely crying. I dropped down to the ground on my knees and scooted over to Ross' bloody body. I grabbed his hand that held the blade, and it instantly loosened. I lightly took the blade out of his hand and threw it onto the counter.

I wrapped my arms around Ross, and he cried into my chest. He was really broken. As much as I wanted to sit here with him in my arms I had to clean him up. I peeled Ross off of me and lightly grabbed his arms. Ross was still crying hysterically. I ran cold water in the bath tub and put his arms underneath the running water.

"This is gonna hurt", I warned him. He nodded and bit his lip. I put his arms under the water. There were seventeen fresh cuts. Ten on one arm and seven on the other. There were many others but those weren't as fresh as these ones. My heart shattered at seeing the pain on his face. The scars on his wrist symbolized the pain he was feeling. The scars that I caused. No matter how many times Ross tells me it wasn't my fault I know it is. Everything Ross has been going through is my fault. All of these thoughts were drowning out Ross' screams of pain.

Ross' arms were clean. I wrapped them in some gauze, and by the time I was done I was cover in blood. I brought Ross a new shirt and pants. I however was still covered in the evidence of Ross' pain. While Ross was changing into his clean clothes I was cleaning the bathroom. I used the white t-shirt I was wearing to clean it up, so I wouldn't get blood on anything else. I finished cleaning and put my shirt back on; Ross came out seconds later.

We didn't say a word to each other. I came here to tell him how much I love him and to forgive him about slapping me, but instead I came here to find Ross covered in blood. His own blood. His precious blood flooding the white bathroom floor tiles. Hearing his screams of pain. His cold tears falling down his red face and onto his blood stained t-shirt. I came here to all that. I came seeing the unexpected. Coming here to see not only one but two hearts break.

I thought Ross should be apologizing for hitting me, but I feel like I'm the one that needs to apologize for everything I put him through. He might've hurt me physically, but I hurt him in worse ways. I hurt his mind. His wrist. Most importantly his heart. I went up Ross and wrapped my arms around him. He wrapped his arms around me tightly. I never wanted to let him go. Ross said now wasn't our time, so should I let go or do I stay?

"I Love you", he whispered into my hair. I wanted to say it back, but was I really in love? Or was I just feeling guilty. I held onto him tighter not responding. I wanted to say it back, but I couldn't pull out any energy to do so. I was mentally and physically weak.

"I'm sorry", I cried into his chest. He paced his hand gently on my head holding it against his chest. "Shhh, don't say that", he whispered. His voice was shaking. I can tell he wanted to cry. Ross never liked crying especially in front of people. He hated looking weak in front of me, because he was supposed to be strong. Ross was always the strong one. Maybe it's time for me to be strong.

"Then what do you want me to say. I've caused you all of this pain. I'm the reason you started cutting yourself and don't deny it", I said backing out of his grasp. "Carly don't blame yourself", Ross said softly walking towards me, but I backed away again.

"Don't lie to me! It was all my fault! I did this to you, because I'm stupid and don't think before I speak. I ruined you! I ruined everything! Everything I had. Everything you had. And most important Everything WE had!", I cried. I backed up against the wall and slid down it bringing my head into my hands letting all my tears fall out. Screw being strong. I was weak. I was broken, and the only person that could fix me was Ross.

"Baby, please don't say that", he cried sitting next to me and holding me. My once clean t-shirt is stained with Ross' blood and now my tears. I cried into Ross' chest letting everything go. All of the pain and all of the heartache. I felt Ross' arms wrap around me and pick me up. He set me in my car and got into the driver's seat.

"What are you doing?", I asked wiping the tears off of my face. "I'm taking you home", I nodded and let him drive. My dad wasn't home, thank god, because I was still covered in blood. Ross and I got out of the car and went up to my bedroom. I sat on my bed not even wanting to change. I just wanted to lay in my bed and cry.

"Come on stand up", Ross said helping me stand. He grabbed one of his white t-shirts he left here one day and walked back over to me. He grabbed the bottom of my shirt and gently pulled it over my head taking it off. Ross was looking at my lips. He kept inching closer and closer to me until our lips finally touched. I was in just my bra and shorts.

Ross' strong arms wrapped around my waist pulling me closer to him. There was no space in between us. Ross forced his tongue into my mouth sending goosebumps all over my body. I grabbed the back of Ross' hair pulling lightly but with force causing him to moan.

Ross started walking me backwards towards my bed. He laid me down on the bed laying down on top of me in the process. He was holding himself up with one arm while the other one was around my waist pushing me up against him. He grinded his hips against mine causing me to moan. I pulled at Ross' shirt wanting it off. H removed his lips from mine to quickly take it off.

He reattached our lips with force. Everything that Ross and I were doing felt right. I didn't want it to stop. I wanted him, and that's exactly what he gave me. Hot sweaty love. I knew someday I would have sex, but making love was something I never thought I would do. I just did it. I made love, but not with just anyone. I made love with Ross.

Author's Note

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