Thirty-Nine
I found my way back to the hill Dylan had taken me to a while ago. The constellations had changed; corresponding to the ending spring and the rapidly approaching summer time.
It was quiet, Dylan hadn't come with me, and the evening hours had become so extensive that anyone who wasn't still partying or drunk would be fast asleep, or unconscious.
Letting myself be washed in the glow of the light, I sat down in the midst of the cool grass. The wind rippled with humidity, but the Earth held it's own and kept the temperature mild.
There was no precise reason why I had found myself up here again; late at night and staring down the empty hills, my mind was echoing with thoughts.
Maybe I longed for clarity at the moment; the rest of the world seemed so foggy with unknowns that I felt unable to answer questions that had been present for so long. jxxjjxxj
With each day that passed, another book was taken off the shelves of the store and placed in a box for shipment back to the supplier. Prospective buyers for the building were turning up nearly every day now; discussing their plans to revamp the store into a Vegan Cafe or Dog Boutique.
Everything felt like it was changing, the world morphing into a shape I no longer recognized. There were times when I didn't even feel like myself anymore; the girl who preached chastity and vulnerability for so long, feeling unkept and colder than ever.
Maybe I'm just tired...
I thought.
Tired of thinking about Tina, Steven, or even Dylan. I was tired of organizing my life around how the media preached or what my best friend once told me was the right way to behave.
I didn't want to break as badly as I saw Tina had; hell, I didn't even know what her problem was anymore... Did that make me a horrible person or a stronger one?
It felt like neither.
We are born to love one another and care for the things we hold close, but if we lose all of those aspects and care for nothing and belong to no one, even if they may still love us faithfully... What do we become?
A tease.
To our own lives and into other's.
Had Tina been right all along?
The constellations continued in their wicked dance of vivacious light, giving no confirmation or denial, as I trudged back down the hill.
