Eighteen
"How are you feeling?"
Tina asked me, both of us sitting in the field where so many conversations had taken place. It felt like centuries had passed since she had first told me that she lost her virginity to Matt in the summer, and even longer since we had even first discussed our first crushes out here on top of the soft grass all those years ago.
"I'm fine."
It was the only reply I thought truly encompassed my feelings. There was no other way of putting it; I wasn't saddened, but there was no joy in the events that had occurred in the previous days.
"How are you?"
Tina laid back in the grass, and her sleeve rode up enough for me bruise on her arm where the IV had gone in during the abortion surgery.
"I'm off the antibiotics now, so I guess that's a good thing. Mark called me yesterday and he doesn't seem to be too pissed off about the fact that we don't have a baby."
My eyes narrowed.
"Why would he even be pissed at all? I thought he wanted to be rid of it just as much as you?"
Tina sighed.
"Right before the surgery, he called me saying that he was having second thoughts. Of course, it's too late now, but he said he wouldn't have minded helping me raise it."
She took a sip of her coffee.
"It's just complicated Amber. I don't think you realize how shitty it was to deal with all of the stress that came with pregnancy."
I couldn't resist the urge to laugh, and Tina bolted up straight.
"Why are you laughing?"
"Because you don't even know how stupid you sound Tina! You're the one who did nothing but preach about sex to me for weeks, and then you got yourself knocked up and had to deal with the consequences! But not before you pushed everyone away from you so you could suffer in silence and throw a pity party for yourself later on."
Tina stood up from the grass.
"Look, do you think I didn't want to tell you? Maybe I just have a hard time trusting people okay?"
"But I've been your best friend for ages Tina! We made a pact to always tell each other what was bothering us so that we could work it out-"
"Well you know Amber, some people have real problems and they run a lot deeper than boys and schoolwork. Get that through your head."
She grabbed her back from the ground and rushed off away from the field.
I kicked her coffee cup over so that the green grass was stained a putrid brown.
