Love Story

Emotion

Author : himekohimura
Original publish on : archieve of our own | 2015 
Author notes : This is kind of like me trying to get into Heechul's thoughts. Which is why it's all jumbled mess in here. For the Emotional play kink on my kink_bingo card. I really don't know what i expected out of this fic. I wanted some ChulTeuk and somehow I got some ChulTeuk :D (Originally published Aug. 16th, 2011)

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It hurts.

It burns every time and yet, he goes back again and again if only for the touch of another. It's twisted, he knows, but it's not like it's something new to anyone.

He's Kim Heechul. The most twisted bastard to ever live on the face of the planet.

He's Kim Heechul, fucked by most men in the industry to keep himself from feeling dead.

Why does he do it? Why does he smile and flirt and let himself be led into shady hallways and up scale apartments only to be dirtied and used by people that claim to love him and be his friends? Who knows. Kim Heechul does what he wants and if fucking is what makes him feel, then fucking is what he'll do.

And then there's him. The shining light in his darkness. The contrast to everything he is embodied in the soul of a man only a few days older than he. Sometimes he can't stand to look at him. He ignores the hurt that glimmers in his eyes as he takes another hand.

Heechul is the devil to Eeteuk's angel. He knows he can't keep up the facade for long. Eeteuk is a meddler. Always was and always would be.

"Heechul?"

"What?" Heechul snaps from his bed, lying on his stomach, his back aching from his last encounter with human touch.

"Chul, I'm worried about you," Eeteuk puts on that motherly look that makes Heechul want to claw at him. The other sits on the edge of the bed, looking uncomfortable. Things were always easier between them when Kangin was around. Without the younger, the two of them were awkward; the differences in their personalities glaringly obvious.

"Nothing to worry about," Heechul says dismissively and goes back to his magazine with Yunho on the cover. He smirks in remembrance. Only a few days ago he'd been with the other in a back room as Yunho took out all of his frustrations on Heechul. It had been a good fuck.

"No." The strength behind the word makes Heechul look over at the elder to see something he never did like on Eeteuk's face when directed toward him. Determination.

"I'm tired of standing aside Heechul." The other grabs at Heechul's shirt and the two of them struggle but Eeteuk has always been the stronger and he strips Heechul of the garment.

Heechul doesn't know why he feels like hiding them. It's not something he's embarrassed about, but having Eeteuk see them was like his mother seeing him jerk off. Awkward and embarrassing.

But Eeteuk always gets his way and Heechul is flat on his stomach with Eeteuk straddling his back inspecting the wounds. A gentle finger traces the lashes of a belt. Heechul doesn't remember who gave the older ones to him, but the newer ones were probably from earlier that night.

"Why?" The question is soft, unimposing but echoes in the room filled with only their harsh breathing. "Why do you do this to yourself, Heechul? Is it because of the fame? Is it because of the pressure?"

Eeteuk quiets for a second before he adds the last question. "Is it because of Hankyung?"

Anger wells in Heechul had he bucks violently, trying to throw Eeteuk off and he can barely hear himself shouting obscenities over the roar of his own emotions. He throws wild punches that hardly grazes Eeteuk and he kicks like mad but Eeteuk has him pinned good.

He calms when he realizes he's crying and that Eeteuk has him wrapped in his arms whispering sweet nothings in his ear.

"I'm not a child," Heechul says.

"I know."

"Stop treating me like one."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"No, I'm not."

Heechul lets out a frustrated noise and tries to pry himself away but Eeteuk won't have any of that. Instead he manoeuvres them into a more comfortable position that has Heechul off his back and Eeteuk's arm squished under Heechul's head.

"I hate you."

"I know. I love you too." Heechul rolls his eyes and, against his better judgment, snuggles into Eeteuk's warmth. A small breakdown isn't going to change things. He knows what Eeteuk's trying to do. Every once in a while someone will try to fix him and it'll take more than just mentioning his name. "I miss him too you know."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"The..." Eeteuk hesitates for a second and Heechul feels the hitch of breath before the older continues. "The pain doesn't help."

"It makes me forget."

"But it doesn't help. Trust me." There's a story behind those words and Heechul wants to know more but his eyes are drooping and all he wants to do is sleep. "If...if you feel like you need it, come to me. Please. Don't...Don't go outside of the group. Not where I can't watch out for you."

"You have a savior complex."

"You have a Heechul complex." They both chuckle at that. "I mean it though. Please Heechul. I love you too much."

"Right, right. Whatever." It's the closest thing Eeteuk would ever get to an agreement.